FRIDAY, MAY 1812:00 PM Begin the
romantic ride by re-
visiting the 2014 Fox
reality showI Wanna
Marry “Harry,” per-
haps accompanied
by a mimosa (or six)
to commiserate that
you did not, in fact,
get to marry Harry.2:00 PM Watch
an early episode
of USA’sSuits to
remember Markle as
the common U.S.
civilian she once was.3:00 PM For after-
noon tea, bingeThe
Great British Baking
Show for scone-
recipe inspiration.5:00 PM Screen
the Lifetime original
movieHarry &
Meghan: A Royal
Romance. You will
cringe. Rosé will help.6:30 PM Over dinner,
thumb through
Rachel Hawkins’ YA
novelRoyals so
you can at least say
you read a book
this weekend.8:00 PM Peruse
Smithsonian Chan-
nel’sMillion Dollar
American Princesses:
Meghan Markle for
facts and whatnot.10:00 PM Watch Fox’s
Meghan Markle:
An American Princess
to get one last burst
of patriotic pride.11:59 PM Meditate.You are cordially invited to attend watch
the long-awaited nuptials of hunky British
prince Harry and American actress Meghan
Markle, broadcast live for your vicarious
pleasure. The stately afair’s Stateside cov-
erage begins as early as 4 a.m. ET, with the
main event arriving via horse-drawn car-
riage at 7 a.m. on ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS,
and—duh—BBC America.
THE ROYAL
WEDDING
SATURDAY, MAY 1912 AM Get six and a
half hours of rest,
dreaming sweetly of
summers at Balmoral
and well-mannered
corgis. (R.I.P. Willow.)6:30 AM Wake and
dress for the occa-
sion. Pop on a fasci-
nator (the uglier, the
better!) and channel
your best Princess
Beatrice for the day.7:00 AMIt’s wedding
time!Pour yourself a
stif gin and take a sip
every time you rec-
ognize an aristocrat,
a celebrity, or one
of Harry’s exes during
the processional.
If the Queen smiles:
Finish your drink.8:00 AMSpend an
hour investigating
the Windsor Castle
location tag on
Instagram for eyewit-
ness photos of the
newlywed couple.9:00 AM Spice up
your life with a tipsy
Britpop dance party,
celebrating fiveother
English princesses.10:00 AM Swipe
through Tinder
for your own royal
match, until...12:00 PM ...when
you toss your party
tiara to the ground
because you didn’t
match with anyone
and it’s all over until
Prince George is on
the market.BUILD YOUR OWN
WEDDING WEEKEND!
If by some chance you DIDN’T score an
invite, here’s the perfect 24-hour schedule
to transform your ordinary routine into
a wedding- and couch-adjacent fairy tale