New Idea – March 19, 2018

NEW

KIDS

Need a break? Take some

time out and have a laugh

by visiting The Flawsome

Mum page at facebook.com/

theflawsomemum.

THE FLAWSOME MUM

‘YOU DON’T EVER

BALANCE IT COMPLETELY.

IT’S A CONSTANT

STRUGGLE OF A LITTLE

MORE TIME THERE, A

LITTLE MORE TIME HERE,

AND FEELING A LITTLE BIT

GUILTY ALL THE TIME.’

HOW TO MAKE

CO-PARENTING

WORK

SIMPLE TIPS TO HELP MAKE

A SMOOTH TRANSITION

W

hen

relationships

break down,

a familiar

assumption

is that children will be scarred

and their lives disrupted.

But it is possible to navigate

divorce in a way that can both

benefit kids and liberate parents,

according to Lucy Good, founder

of Beanstalk (beanstalkmums.

com.au) a website that connects

and supports single mums.

When Lucy’s marriage

ended five years ago, she and

her husband agreed that co-

parenting their two daughters,

now aged 12 and 14, was the

best option. Not only does

her experience echo research

that children in joint custody

are happier than those being

raised by one parent, but she

believes parents benefit from

having time to themselves and

children build good relationships

with each parent.

‘It hasn’t been without it’s

difficulties, but parenting our

children 50/50 is the next best

alternative to a happy, two-

parent family,’ says Lucy. ‘As

parents, we get time to recharge

and focus on our work or

interests, and when we’re with

our kids, we have more energy

and can be more engaged.’

Here are her tips for making

co-parenting a success...

BE WILLING TO MAKE

ADJUSTMENTS

‘Decisions you make when you

first separate when there’s high

conflict and emotions may need

to be changed a few months or

years down the line,’ says Lucy.

For instance, you may commit

to spending Christmas together

as a family, but as time goes on

that may not suit the parents.

DON

,

T GIVE UP

You can’t force an ex-partner

to co-parent, but as the pain

subsides and lives move on,

things may change. Always

remember, ‘You’re doing it for

your kids because they’re so

special.’ say’s Lucy.

DON

,

T FEAR NEW

RELATIONSHIPS

A benefit of co-parenting is you

have time to get to know a new

partner while your children are

with their other parent. As Lucy

says: ‘As time passes, it’s good

for children to see Mum and

Dad dating again. Relationships

are a natural part of life.’

LEARN FROM OTHERS

Lucy says she learned a lot from

speaking to a young colleague

who was the child of divorced

parents. Consult friends or join

Lucy’s Facebook group, The

Single Mum Vine.

CREATE A SMOOTH

CHANGEOVER

Instead of dropping her girls at

their dad’s, Lucy takes them to

school on a Monday

morning and they go back to

their dad’s from school. She says

it makes for a more natural

transition.

EMBRACE

COMPLEMENTARY

CO-PARENTING

Instead of getting angry because

the other parent is a “Disney

dad” and doesn’t set boundaries

or bedtimes, Lucy says try to

complement the other parent’s

style.

SEE THE POSITIVES

Your attitude will guide your

children’s attitude so don’t talk

negatively about the other

parent and focus on the benefits

of your arrangement. Lucy says

she enjoys great “quality” rather

than “quantity” time with her

kids and she suspects they’ll be

more organised in later life

because living in two homes

means they have to think ahead.

If you have a sports team of girls

aged from eight to 16, how about

applying to Harvey Norman for a

grant to help with uniforms,

transport or equipment? The

retailer’s Team Harvey Junior

supports girls’

grassroots sport

with 10 $5000

grants up for

grabs. Head

to harvey

norman.com.

au/team

harveyjunior.

GIRL POWER

WITH MUM-OF-

TWO AND SOCIAL

COMMENTATOR

ANGELA MOLLARD

Experts say

effective

co-parenting

is just as

beneficial

for kids as

a happy

family.

Halle

Berry,

actress

and

mother

of two.

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