The Times Magazine 9SPINAL COLUMN
MELANIE REID
find my life increasingly ruled by
the needs of two gruff, amusing,
eccentric males, and only one of
them is my husband. The other is the
dog. Both above all desire routine,
and my job is to organise and
implement it. I’m pretty sure
they think my only job is them.
Every morning my immediate
task is to get the two of them fed
and into Dave’s car without anything being
forgotten. Leisurely morning coffee? Dream
on. This is like being a working mother again.
The only thing that’s changed is the nature of
the orders you issue – “Right, outside for a
pee!” (that’s to the dog) or, “Don’t forget the
lead” – while juggling overdue email. Honestly,
from the moment I reach the kitchen in the
morning, I am in CEO mode.
They go to the shop together, then park
the car and go for a walk, same route every
morning up and down a long, brisk hill. Then
home. Rigid routine. The dog’s happy and so
is Dave, because despite himself he loves the
exercise and can entertain me with a good
grumble about cyclists, delivery vans and how
the dog keeps trying to trip him up.
The dog, with us now for two years, is a
loveable rogue, gimlet-eyed around food,
excitable, utterly impatient, insistent on the
correct order of things (him first), and capable
of serious mischief when he gets bored.
In the evening our wonderful neighbourtakes him for another long walk around a
well-established circuit. Rigid routine. Biscuits
at certain stopping points. The dog loves it
and he’s become well behaved, if you excuse
stealing Dave’s cake and eating something vile
which caused a £100 vet bill.
Break the strict daily drill, however, and he
makes you pay. When we had Covid, and no
one could come near us, things fell apart. He
plotted his revenge. Full five-star bad boy,
reverting to the reputation he’d arrived with,
that of bolter. The first day he and Dave
resumed their morning outings, he did the
perfect runner. While Dave had his back
turned, putting the rubbish in the bins at the
end of our track, he jumped out of the back
of the car and scarpered.
He didn’t bolt in the direction they
normally walk. Instead he headed for the
village, because he’s exceedingly friendly
and loves people and above all wanted to
embarrass me by starring on the dreaded
local Facebook page again. For Dave, it was
as if he’d vanished into thin air.
The first thing I knew was a phone call
from our friend the undertaker, who lives in
the village. “Your dog just ran into my house
like he lived here.” I grovelled and said I’d send
Dave, who I – CEO slip-up – didn’t realise had
left his phone behind. I was in the wrong
wheelchair for driving. I could only wait.
It felt like hours. It might have been hours.
The undertaker’s sister phoned to ask when wewere coming, because she was worried about
her cat. Eventually Dave, who’d been driving
up and down the village, came back.
“This can’t go on,” he growled as he went
away again. That’s when I got the next phone
call to say the dog was on Facebook, which
made me want to curl up and die and wonder
if it could indeed go on, but it was all Dave’s
fault, because he’d popped into the pub- “You never know, he might have gone in
there” – and the staff, trying to be helpful,
had posted an appeal.
Dog came through the door smiling
broadly, very pleased with himself, the cat
uneaten, his humans squirming and humbled.
It is impossible to be angry with him. Even
Dave forgave him. Last week I treated the
incorrigible beast to an outing on the hill, me
in my Tramper, him off-lead. It’s lovely to
watch: his absolute glee, running downhill so
fast his back end overtakes the front, a crazy
bundle of joy. He runs and runs, never goes
far, always comes home.
But in his overexuberance he ran so hard
he’s pulled a muscle in his shoulder, and now
I’m administering painkillers and worrying. It
only hurts if he moves too suddenly. He’s lying
as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, plotting
more mischief as soon as he is healed. n
@Mel_ReidTimes
Melanie Reid is tetraplegic after breaking her
MURDO MACLEOD neck and back in a riding accident in April 2010
I
My life is ruled by
the needs of two
eccentric males.
Now one of them
has vanished...