LISTENER OCTOBER 13 2018GETTY IMAGES; NEWSPIX
By now the Nats must wish they’d never launched
this interminable pursuit of their own damned
elusive Scarlet Pimpernel because it’s clear they’d be
better off leaving him/her tactfully masked.
Their quarry is more of a Blue Pimple than the
dashing saboteur of literature. The leak of data
about National Party leader Simon Bridges’ travel
costs – which was about to be made public anyway- was so feeble a feat of derring-do that pure
embarrassment, rather than the implied disloyalty
against the leader, is probably what’s keeping the
Blue Pimple from owning up. Bridges could have
shrugged the whole thing off as someone playing
silly-buggers, but instead mounted the highest of
horses to run the culprit to earth. He convinced
himself, against a pile of evidence, that the leaker
wasn’t from his own caucus or staff.
Now, this ludicrous affair has generated a poten-
tially devastating cliff-hanger: what if the traitor is
someone at the very heart of Team Bridges?
The Opposition leader’s handling of the abrupt
leave-taking of frontbencher and close ally Jami-Lee
Ross this week has all but outed Ross as the mole.
To the explanation that Ross is taking
several months off to deal with a
serious personal health issue, Bridges
added that it was of a “potentially
embarrassing nature”.
This one horribly tactless blurt
brings him down off his high horse
with a thud. It wasn’t said in spite,
but it may as well have been. It
pasted a big fat exclamation mark on
to Ross’ mystery problem, licensing
endless prurient speculation.
Bridges made the announcement
with the boggling ingenuousness of a
teacup-rattling gossip. “You think you
know your colleagues very well ...”
he exclaimed, “but you don’t always
know what’s going on.”
No, you don’t, which is why the
leak fatwa was so unwise. If Ross is
not the leaker, then this is the most
almighty coincidence. An MP off
work indefinitely for deeply per-
sonal reasons, weeks after the police
confirmed that the anonymous leaker- who purported to be a National MP
- was suffering from mental-health
issues, and with the leak inquiry
report due inside a fortnight: they’re
Lotto Powerball odds.
ONE LAME BRIDGE
Never mind Ross’ future, the bigger
question now is whether Bridges
might soon find himself “spend-
ing more time with the family”.
The leadership sap takes a while to
stop rising in first-term Opposition
caucuses. The polls show Bridges has
yet to enthuse voters personally, and
colleagues might see his ineptitude
over this affair as a serious liability.
What might a future Prime MinisterBridges blurt after sensitive bilaterals
with someone like Donald Trump?
“You don’t realise until you get up
close, but man, is he orange!”
And what of his judgment in
making a federal case out of a trivial
affair, which had the potential to
blow up in his face from the outset?
“Ban our apple exports, would you,
Australia? Our frigate is on its way!”
National thought it had a leaks
issue, but the real plumbing emer-
gency is the leader’s own filtration
system.Whatever the Blue Pimple’s fate,
he/she will have company. Meka
Whaitiri, too, lost her job through a
pathetic display of pique and vanity.
Leaked details show the Customs
Minister was sacked after she grasped,
abused and frightened her press
secretary because she had missed a
photo opportunity with the Prime
Minister. She should have given the
young woman a pay rise. If only MPs
realised how desperate and, frankly,
unimportant these photo ops make
them look, especially on television.
It’s called doughnutting – squeezing
in around the main event so as to
get “face time” for oneself. It makes
ministers, especially, look like utter
noddies. “Ooh, look at me, I’m here,
too, with the leader. Hello, Mum!”POLITICS
Both main parties are struggling to keep their houses in order.
Out, damned spot
JANE
CLIFTON
Absent friends:
Jami-Lee Ross;
right, Simon
Bridges.National thought it had
a leaks issue. The real
plumbing emergency
is the leader’s own
filtration system.
T
hey seek him here, they seek
him there. Or just as possibly,
her. PricewaterhouseCoopers and
Simpson Grierson seek him/her
everywhere.