NOVEMBER 5 2016 http://www.listener.co.nz 43
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ew Zealand is a beautiful country, relatively
untouched by many of the tribulations
visited upon other parts of the world. This
is brought home to me when I return from
overseas.
So when foreign colleagues visit, I try to see
our little slice of the world through their eyes.
Sometimes they give a helping hand, as did profes-
sors Kim Gratz and Matt Tull of the University of
Toledo in the US, who visited Wellington in
April. In just a few days, they enjoyed my city in
ways I never had. Their happiness to be here was
infectious.
To get to the point, though, happiness is an
emotional state – one among many. This is rel-evant because Gratz and Tull were here to provide
training in a therapy that focuses on teaching
young people to understand and “regulate” their
emotions.
One of the first steps isn’t about regulating emo-
tions at all, but focusing on what they are and
why we have them.
There are a small number of basic
or “primary” emotions. They include
anger, happiness, disgust and sadness.
Although happiness is obviously nicer
to experience than anger or sadness,
these primary emotions are all functional- they tell us important things about
You ’ve got
e-motion
One way to think of
emotions is that they’re like
smartphone notifications
of important events.
what is happening, and it’s a good
idea to pay attention.
Emotional responses happen
extremely fast and one function
is to bypass the kind of conscious
decision-making that may compro-
mise our safety. That yoghurt you
just picked up with the bright green
spot of mould? Flashing survival
warning.
If your girlfriend dumps you,
would it really be a good idea to
head to the pub and risk rejection
from someone else? This is where
feeling sad may protect us. Fear –
and anger – prepare your body to
respond immediately to potentially
life-threatening challenges.B
ecause emotions are a moment-
to-moment, 24/7 part of our
lives, they are important.
We also tend to accumulate
understandable but wrong ideas
about them.
For example, many people
think of negative feelings as
bad or destructive, and that
some emotions are a sign of
weakness. If that’s what you
believe, it makes sense that
you might think that these
emotions are to be avoided
or controlled.
Regulation is one thing
and control another.We know that trying to control or
suppress emotions often backfires.
You can end up feeling angrier or
sadder.
If you buy the idea that emotions
are a little like smartphone notifi-
cations that important things are
happening, then hopefully it’s obvi-
ous why trying to suppress or avoid
them might not be a good thing.
Another problem with wrong
beliefs about negative primary emo-
tions is that they have emotional
consequences. If I believe it’s wussy
to be sad but I do feel sad, then I’m
probably going to experience an
emotional response – a secondary
emotion such as shame or guilt.
Whereas primary emotions are
adaptive, the secondary sort are not
so helpful. In fact, they get in the
way of positively living our lives.
Although shame and guilt may hold
important messages about our behav-
iour, as a basic rule it’s not a good
idea to allow them as a response to
how you feel.
The message is: when you’re
feeling bad, ask yourself, “Is this a
primary emotion, or is it a second-
ary emotion caused by how I think
about my feelings?” If the answer is
“secondary”, I’d suggest you have a
go at accepting the primary emotion
you’re feeling and try to work out
what it means. lby Marc Wilson
PSYCHOLOGY
We know that trying
to control or suppress
emotions often backires.
Matt Tull: learn to “regulate” emotions.