Toronto Life – December 2018

December 2018 toronto life 49

Every year, my office throws a fancy holiday party at a bar

on King West. I stopped drinking half a decade ago and

no matter how many times I try to explain this to my

co-workers, it never sticks. Instead, I get stuck dealing

with a ton of insensitive questions and comments. I’m out

of patience and would much rather sit this round out.

Can I skip the party without looking like a total Grinch?

—Nightmare Before Christmas, Parkdale

it needs to be. Stash the chemical-ridden

stain remover in your room so it’s not a

constant reminder to your roomie, then

humour him by investing in an eco-

friendly product on the next purchase.

It’s a nominal price to pay for harmony

at home—and a happier planet.

Dear Urban Diplomat,

I’ve known my best friend since we

were kids—she’s basically a member

of our family. My parents invite her

to everything: holidays, birthdays,

anniversary parties, you name it.

A few months ago, she started dating

someone new and insists on bringing

him everywhere, which would be fine,

but my family absolutely hates him.

He’s loud, tactless, has terrible table

manners and doesn’t seem to have

much respect for women. Is there a way

to cut him out of our lives while still

keeping her around?

—Matchbreaker, Trefann Court

Short answer: no. Friendship means

taking the good with the bad, even

when the bad comes in the shape

of an etiquette-devoid tagalong. If his

behaviour extends beyond obnoxious-

ness, and he’s mistreating your friend

or hurting others around you, then you

should speak up. Otherwise, hold your

tongue and do your best to tolerate him.

Perhaps once the novelty wears off,

she’ll be cured of this perceptual blind-

ness and see his jack-assery the same

way you do.

There are about a thousand reasons

a person might miss an office holiday

shindig: appointments, family obliga-

tions, a long-standing aversion to see-

ing Dave from accounting get sloshed,

the list goes on. There’s no harm in

taking a year off, and you’re also under

no obligation to explain why. If the

season has you in a generous mood,

you could leave some Christmas treats

in the office kitchen, with a festive

note. But since your colleagues sound

more deserving of a lump of coal,

a polite email declining the invitation

and wishing everyone the best

should suffice.

Dear Urban Diplomat,

My roommate is suddenly obsessed

with having a chemical-free home.

I’m happy to use biodegradable cleaning

products, but I recently had a tomato-

sauce emergency involving my favou-

rite shirt, so I broke down and bought

a bottle of Tide stain remover. When

he saw it in the laundry room, he

freaked out, gave me a 15-minute

lecture about our endangered planet

and refused to talk to me for the rest

of the day. How can we find a middle

ground between clean living and my

occasional need for bleach?

—Prince of Tide, Baldwin Village

If stain remover is the biggest point

of contention in your home, you should

consider yourselves lucky. It could be

worse: at least he’s not stealing your

food, or blaring Aerosmith’s greatest

hits in the early hours of the morning.

Don’t let this turn into a bigger deal than

Urban

Diplomat

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat

at [email protected]

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