The Sunday Times - UK (2022-05-22)

Phillip Schofield, in the
Graham Norton role for this
instalment of Eurovision, took
it upon himself to provide not
a stream of light witticisms,
but endless trigger warnings.
If one of the horses lay down
as part of an Omani dance
ritual, Nana Schofield would
tell us not to worry, it would
get up again. This martial
drum-off you’re watching, he
said, is not real. “Don’t worry.
They will become friends in
the end again.”
Who did he think was
watching? Cringing, crying,
royal-fearing horse-and-gun-
averse PTSD victims? Why
would you switch on if you
couldn’t hack animals or
firearms? It made me wonder
what Schofield would do if
he were commentating on
football. Apologise for every
single kick, flick and foul?
Our pages last week
described The King of
Warsaw as “Polish Peaky
Blinders”, a sexy, sprawling,
Depression-era epic set not

in the Midlands but Warsaw.

And, well, there was very little

about its moody and luscious

first episode I didn’t love.

We began with a Gangs of

New York-style street fight

establishing the tensions. It

turns out that just as many

men like to beat each other

up in immaculate suits in

Warsaw in 1937 as they did in

Birmingham in 1919.

One of the fighters is Jakub

Szapiro, a boxer who looks a

bit like Tony Slattery by way of

Oskar Schindler. He is a mafia

henchman controlled by the

flamboyant Buddy, a crime

lord who orders deaths across

the city. One of his mates is a

terrific lesbian who wears a

suit and looks like a fish.

The finest moment showed

a quavering drugs runner

quibbling with Buddy’s

lieutenants about a shipment

of coke. Pulling the head back,

someone slits this man’s neck,

letting a fine spray of blood

shoot upwards like a fountain.

How did they do that?

The Time-Traveler’s

Wife, about a man who can’t

stop moving through time,

falls into a specific category of

nurse porn. It joins other

works about women helping

men through a desperate

illness or, in this case, a weird

“disability”, in which every

second is spent discussing the

man, his feelings, his problem

or how life can be made better

for him by her.

We’re told, for example, in

the opening scenes of this icky

new adaptation, that Henry’s

wife, Clare, has basically been

his handmaiden since he

time-travelled back to a nearby

bush when she was six.

For 14 years Clare has been

fetching clothes for this naked

older man while waiting for

him to turn up in her real life.

When he does, she discovers

he is an “asshole”. Another

boring task awaits her:

turning him into a gentleman.

This simpering, cheesy

supine slush isn’t really my

bag, although it is worth it in

some ways for the moments

they didn’t seem to realise

were seriously gross. Do we

really want to watch a sex

scene in which Clare, till this

point a child, compliments

our useless hero on not

trying to shag her when she

was a minor, before taking

her top off and saying:

“Haven’t I grown?” Then

saying: “And I’m not the only

one.. .” Bleurgh. c

Good table manners Lennie

and Jessie Ware serve zingers

Something to snack on

Want to know the eating-out

foibles of the famous but

finicky or the ingredients for

Jubilee Pudding? There is

probably a podcast for it.

Here are my picks.

Lecker: A Food Podcast

Lucy Dearlove’s show

documenting how we eat

is homemade but lovingly,

thoughtfully crafted. Her

fourth series, exploring the

evolution of the modern

kitchen from flatpack to

trophy cabinets, included

a chastening account of

refugees living in bedsits and

conjuring up dishes with

access to only a kettle. Like

all the best kitchen parties,

Lecker is a place where

striking intimacies are shared,

bold ideas aired. Sometimes,

as with a recent episode on

citrus, it is simply serving a

zesty slice of food history.

Off Menu

James Acaster and Ed

Gamble’s dream restaurant is

dependably good, a regular

audio haunt. Jarvis Cocker,

railing against square plates

and sharing his cheese

nightmares, was an

entertaining recent guest.

Zoe Science & Nutrition

The scientists behind the

widely-taken-up Covid

research app are running

one of the world’s largest

nutrition studies. Here they

invite colleagues to share

clearly and concisely how

their research could improve

your health. This is

evidence-based information,

not goopy pseudoscience, but

on subjects you may have

googled, such as “Alcohol: can

it ever be healthy?” and “Is

exercise or nutrition more

important for weight loss?”

The presenter Jonathan Wolf

asks informed questions

and gets good answers. If you

like The Life Scientific and

Michael Moseley’s Just One

Thing, try this.

Table Manners

Who wouldn’t want to have

lunch with Lennie Ware, the

London Jewish mama who

plies her guests with wine,

food and extra helpings of

charm, eliciting notable

indiscretions. Her daughter,

the pop star Jessie Ware, is

her sparring partner, but

it’s Lennie who serves the

zingers (and usually the food

too). Having sold out the

London Palladium, the

mother-daughter act have

made a series of live podcasts

in Los Angeles, with guests

including the Selling Sunset

star Christine Quinn.

The Food Programme

A Sunday staple, Radio 4’s

wide-ranging show packs a lot

of nutrients into each half-

hour episode. Topics explored

by the knowledgeable

presenters, mostly Sheila

Dillon and Dan Saladino,

range from wheat shortages

and spam celebrants to its

annual food and farming

awards. There are also regular

profiles of figures such as the

campaigner Jack Monroe and

the woman who brought

pukka Indian food into UK

homes, Madhur Jaffrey. The

World Service’s The Food

Chain is also excellent.

Out to Lunch

I have a problematic

relationship with the critic

Jay Rayner’s Radio 4 Saturday

morning show The Kitchen

Cabinet. I find it all rather

smug, with its top tips on

home-smoking and what to

do with pickled walnuts —

peak Radio 4 in a stiffened

meringue sense; my sons used

to believe it was satirical. Yet

I do enjoy Rayner’s interview

podcast in which he takes a

famous person (recent guests

include the rapper Tinie,

Simon Callow and Rose

Matafeo) to dine, usually in

a buzzy London eatery. For

a greedy person, there is

secondary gratification in

salivating over their choices.

Brisk interviewing and editing

(episodes last 30 to 45

minutes) make it the perfect

length for listening to on

a postprandial walk. Yes,

Rayner is a little pleased with

himself, but who wouldn’t

be if they made a handsome

living from eating out?

Comfort Eating with

Grace Dent

A new series that launched

on Tuesday with the likeable

James May bringing a fish

finger sandwich slathered in

salad cream round to Dent’s

gaff. This Tuesday’s episode,

with the pop singer Rebecca

Lucy Taylor, aka Self Esteem,

is a delight. What this

interview format does cleverly

is tap into revealing, shaping

food memories. Those are

rarely of swanky meals, but

more of the tea and toast kind

— the fried rice you make

when fried yourself or the

pasta dish that probably

hardened the arteries of a

broken heart.

Wine Times

The comedian Suzi Ruffell

is the Sunday Times wine critic

Will Lyons’s partner in wine

for the latest series of this

podcast, which imparts solid

pairing advice along with

celebrity chat. Recent guests

have included Marcus

Wareing, Grace Dent and

Shaun Keaveny. All of the

wine discussed can be bought

from the Sunday Times Wine

Club, so I expect to receive

some brickbats for the

inclusion. But take a taste

first, Lyons is a convincing

sommelier: I listened, then

ordered. A votre santé. c

PATRICIA

NICOL

Gossip, menu tips and food for thought — the best cookery shows

| RADIO & PODCASTS

KEN M

CKAY/ITV/SHUTTERSTOCK

22 May 2022 13