I AM A HIKER in an existential crisis. Am I a hypocrite? Am
I part of the problem, not the solution? Am I contributing to
the destruction of the very thing I love most? I’m troubled by
a heart-breaking dichotomy. I love the natural world – but my
adventures are contributing to its ruin. I drive to the mountains in
a diesel-guzzling, air-polluting car; I fuel my climbs with snacks
wrapped in single-use, ocean-blighting plastic; and my well-
booted feet trample plants and erode paths. I feel like a one-man,
environment-wrecking machine.
But I want to be a one-man, environment-saving machine.
So I decide to make a change – and a seedling of a positive idea
sprouts out of my defeatism. I’m going to plan my most eco-friendly
weekend in the mountains ever. No car. No single-use plastic. No
meat. I’ll travel by bus and train; I’ll minimise my erosion wherever
possible; and I might even aim for a carbon neutral adventure.
“Are you going to hug some trees along the way too?” quips my
dad, as we discuss my concept while tucking into an alfresco lunch
in the garden of our family home in Birmingham. “The trees will be
hugging me if I can figure this one out,” I retort.
It feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Timetables don’t sync, prices sky-rocket and remote destinations
are off-limits. It’s a nightmare. One bus at 8am, every third
Monday, excluding Bank Holidays, term-time only. Well, that’s
useful. How the hell did Alfred Wainwright explore Lakeland so
extensively by bus? I screw up another piece of paper and toss it
in the bin. ‘I should recycle that’, I think, chuckling at the irony,
before straining again over my laptop. One hour, two hours, three
hours pass by. But I don’t give up – and, finally, mercifully, a plan
emerges. An excellent, exciting, intrepid plan.
I’m going to walk the Ullswater Way, a 20-mile loop around
Britain’s most beautiful lake. It’s going to be a 48-hour
micro-expedition by public transport, cramming as much adventure
as possible into my weekend – and I have it all organised with
military precision. Wake up at 6am on Saturday; walk from my
parents’ house to Birmingham New Street station; catch the 7.31am
Virgin Trains service to Penrith; hop onto the 508 bus to Pooley
Bridge at 11.20am; and by midday start happily plodding
anti-clockwise around Ullswater. After a night at Patterdale YHA, I’ll
then walk along the delightful lakeshore path back to Pooley Bridge;
take the number 508 bus at 4.46pm to Penrith railway station; grab
a seat on the 5.50pm train back to Brum; and, eventually, plod home
on foot to be in bed by 10.30. Forget an eco-friendly approach, this is
an eco-frantic approach.
“How much carbon do you reckon I’ll save by taking the train
and bus, instead of the car?” I ask my mum, the night before I set
off for Ullswater. “70kg – that’s almost exactly my body weight,” I
add, answering my own question as I play around with a carbon
footprint calculator on my phone. It feels great – and I begin
to think of myself as a heroic eco-warrior. “Don’t get too cocky
though,” says mum, bringing me back down to earth. “Your journey
will still have a carbon footprint.” She’s right. A 30kg footprint,
to be precise. ‘Not for long’, I think, as I start googling ‘carbon
offsetting’. I read numerous articles debating the pros and cons of
the method – a way to compensate for your emissions by funding[previous spread] Stunning views from atop
Hallin Fell [right] Descending Hallin Fell with
views over Martindale [below] Travelling by
the 508 bus from Penrith to Pooley Bridge
[bottom] Ullswater Way signpost42 The Great Outdoors July 2019