366 ■ III: ROLE FUNCTIONS OF DOCTORAL ADVANCED NURSING PRACTICE
THE “FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE”
Dr. John Gottman (2007, 2011; Gottman & Silver, 2015) has conducted empirical research
on healthy and unhealthy marriages and his work is now being extrapolated and fur-
ther validated for use in organizations (Gottman, 2007). There are four toxic behaviors
that doom relationships, regardless of the setting, that are called the “Four Horsemen of
the Apocalypse.” These behaviors include:
- Blame/ criticism, consisting of attacking or blaming other instead of his or her
own behavior - Defensiveness in response to being criticized, which is really another way of
blaming - Contempt, which is the use of sarcasm, belittling, cynicism, hostile humor,
and belligerence - Stonewalling, which includes cutting off communication, silent treatments,
refusals to engage, withdrawal or in some cases just not directly expressing
what you are thinking
Gottman (2011) found that 69% of all problems are perpetual, meaning that they
can be managed through dialog, but resist ultimate resolution. Therefore, the role of the
DNP is not to “fix” the issue, but to engage in negotiation strategies that will increase
positive dialogue, reduce the negative affect during conflict, particularly the difficult
challenge of working with contempt, and increase the positive effect during / after a con-
flict resolution. Figure 15.1 includes some antidotes that are effective in working with
the Four Horsemen.
The “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” can lead negotiators to make common
mistakes (see Table 15.2 ). Of the 15 mistakes listed (Changing Minds.org), the most
recurrent ones are accepting positions, hurrying, issue fixation, and missing strengths.
Creative thinking needed for win-win solutions will not occur if others do not change
their positions and not look for innovative solutions, but remain fixated on their chosen
solutions. Many beginning negotiators fail to see the strengths they have, often because
they are hurrying to a solution to please others.
An important role for the DNP is to first assess what is going on within the system
that requires negotiation. Taking a systems view, understanding issues of rank and priv-
ilege, using the skills needed to negotiate effectively, and having a clear understand-
ing of what gets in the way of resolution— all of these approaches arm the practitioner
with the background to be an effective negotiator. It is also important to be grounded
in a strong sense of self and know what values one brings to the situation. Using the
approaches delineated in Figure 15.2 enables the DNP to be effective in dealing with
toxic behaviors.
Based on the work of CRR Global (2011), overcoming the barriers is predicated
on the principle of finding a common interest. The following questions are useful: (a)
Are you willing to resolve this without blame? (b) Why is it important to resolve this?
and (c) What do you agree on? A caveat : if the parties are unwilling to resolve the issue
without blame, there is no point in proceeding farther. One needs to develop another
strategy for resolution.