DNP Role Development for Doctoral Advanced Nursing Practice, Second Edition

15: NEGOTIATION SKILLS ■ 367

Toxic Behaviors Strategies to Deal With Them

General

Behaviors

Name the behavior and educate the parties on the negative impact/destructiveness.

Review what happened and discuss alternative behaviors/strategies.

Increase positive behaviors and attitudes where possible with a soft approach,

accepting influence, and noticing efforts to “repair” what has happened.

Encourage that there are alternative ways to negotiate through a situation or

conflict.

Blame/Criticism Ask are you willing to resolve this without blame?

Address the behavior, not the person.

Try a soft start up to lessen the impact.

Look for the request behind the criticism.

Encourage the use of “I want... , I feel.. .” statements.

Defensiveness Actively listen and clarify what the other person is hearing.

Assume that 2% of what you or the other person is saying is true. Look for

areas of truth behind the complaint.

Contempt Ask are you willing to resolve this without sarcasm or name calling?

Allow the parties to ventilate to you.

Check for emotional flooding and soothe.

Encourage the use of “I want... , I feel.. .” statements.

Stonewalling Check for emotional flooding and soothe.

Address fears of what will happen if the person speaks what is being thought

or felt.

Encourage moving beyond the edge that is keeping the person back and

support the effort.

FIGURE 15.1 The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” behaviors.

Adapted from Gottman and Silver (2015).

TABLE 15.2 Common Mistakes That Negotiators Make

1. Accepting positions : Assuming the other person won’t change his or her position

2. Accepting statements : Assuming what the other person says is wholly true

3. Cornering : Giving the person no alternative but to fight

4. Hurrying : Negotiating in haste (and repenting at leisure)

5. Hurting the relationship : Getting what you want but making an enemy

6. Issue fixation : Getting stuck on one issue and missing greater possibilities

7. Missing strengths : Not realizing the strengths that you actually have

8. Misunderstanding authority : Assuming that authority and power are synonymous

9. Misunderstanding power : Thinking one person has all the power

10. One solution : Thinking there is only one possible solution
    1 1. Over- wanting : Wanting something too much


11. Squeezing too much : Trying to gain every last advantage


12. Talking too much : Not gaining the power of information from others


13. Thinking in absolutes : Assuming that there are only a few possibilities


14. Win- lose : Assuming a fixed- pie, win- lose scenario

Adapted from Changing Minds.org. Negotiation mistakes. Retrieved from http://changingminds.org/
disciplines/negotiation/mistakes/mistakes.htm.