http://www.stainlesssteelexhausts.co. uk
DOUBLES EXHAUSTS LT D
LANDROVER MONTHLY 119
PATRICK CRUYWAGEN
EDITOR
1998 Defender 110 2.8LRM’S
FLEET
Every month, LRMstaff and
contributors share their
real-lifeexperienceswith the
LandRovers theyown...TREVOR CUTHBERT
CONTRIBUTOR
1984 LandRover 90 Mazda3.5 Td i
automaticsoft top (rebuild project)
1990 LandRover OneTe n
LHD V8soft top
1994 Defender 130Tipper 300Tdi
1998 Defender 90StationWagon 2.8i
BMW six-clyinder petrol
2002 Discovery 2Td 5 Adventurer
2004 Defender 90Td 5 hardtopDAVEBARKER
CONTRIBUTOR
Discovery4,Freelander 2XS
Defender 90,SeriesIEDEVANS
TECHNICAL EDITOR
1976 Series III 88soft top
1989 NinetyStationWagon
1998 Discovery 300Tdi
2000 Freelander 1L- series
2000 Defender 110Td 5
2006 RangeRover Sport TDV6probably a decade ago justwasn’t safe fo r us to
chance now. Dropping a wheel in oneof these
monsters would have made oureveninga
nightmare. My 600x16s are literally dwarfedby
modern greenlaners’ choiceof tyres. I can’t
help think it isn’t progress. Do we really need
that extra few inchesof height and widthover
standard, howeve r?
Thwarted onceby the modernworld, I
thought thatwould be it. Iwas wrong. My eldest
lad had anevent at a water park withCubs, so I
suggested we took theSeries I. In 31 degrees
heat, canvas off, what better for a ladto come
home in when hewas soakingwet. Well, that
plan failed when Iwent to leave the car park, as
their number plate recognitioncameras didn’t
read my 1950s plates.
I dr ove back to reception, where Iwas told
to pull upto the barrier, they’dsee me on the
I’MONLYHUMAN
ED Evans calls uprecently, pointing out
he could do with a RangeRover feature
for thetech section.Ever keen to please, I
set outto squeeze in a shoot showing an
anti-rollbar refurbishment. Which is
where Istarted to break my rules, and
where thingswent wrong.Firstly, thecar
could have done with being onramps.
Secondly, Iwas rushing, but perhaps
most st upidly, Iwas alone.
Ten minutes in, thefi rst boltwas jus t
getting tight on thecorroded threads. Me
on my back, contorted in theavailable
spac e, pulling with allmy might –you can
guess where this isgoing, can’t you?Yes,
the 1/2 inchratchet and17 mm impact
socket suddenly slippedoff the boltat the
pointof maximum pull, and I punchedmy
forehead with theratchet andsocket with
all my might. I knew I’d hurtmyself with
the force, as I my probingfi ngersfelt the
wet, open slit. Had I cracked the bone?
Turningto ge t out from under thecar, the
immediate fl ow ofbloodpainting thefl oor
and distinctivecopper smelltold meI
had a problem. Alone, andrealising it
wasn’t wisefor meto be walkingfar, I
simplysat down,called my other halffor
help, pointing out “I’m bleeding” and
attempted to staunch thefl ow ofblood
with an old duvet cover. Headwounds (I
have since learnt) bleed like fury, and on
arrivingto a scene from a horror movie,
my ever-p atient better halfconfirmedmy
bonewas okay, but instantly decreedI
neededto go tohospital. Shewas right, of
course, and I ended up in minor injuries
having the 5 cmgash glued shutby our
brilliant NHS. Aweek la ter as Itype this,
it is healingwell. I’m thankful onlyto have
a ne at scar onmy forehead, not cracked
teeth nor broken nose as a reminder
never againto break my golden rulesof
working on acar at home.Before the track
got too badcamera and open thebarrier.This I did; the
barrier stayed down.
One car behind becametwo, then three, then
fi ve. When it became doublefi gures, I hung on
anotherfi ve minutes, feeling the wrath of
people inscorching hotcars behind me. Igave
up a second time,reversing 200yards past 18
cars of incredulous-looking, hot, irritated people
all giving me theevils for holding them up in
my weird-looking oldcar.
Once they’dgone, avery apologetic lady
came out fromreception. “I’msorry,” she said,
“we saw you there, but the internet crashedso
we couldn’t open thebarrier”.
Once is happenstance, twice is apattern,
third time it is astatistic.The next time Iwent
to the barrier, I did what I should have doneat
fi rst; I simplytailgated thecar in front.
Sometimes, the oldways are the best.