NEXT BIG THING?
ool I never, what have we got here?
Robots aren’t just coming for our
jobs any more – they’re set to stitch
up our elderly relatives too. The
Kniterate is a digitally powered monster that
feeds on yarn, electricity and the tears of
retired knitting champions, and produces
one-off garments in your choice of colours
and designs. It’s the perfect companion for
when you’re forced to live off-grid but still
fancy keeping up with the latest knitwear
trends. We hear horizontal stripes will be all
the rage come the apocalypse.
Will I be able to open my own wasteland
boutique for the nuclear winter season?
As long as you don’t mind a side-career wafting
irritable sheep around vast stretches of scorched
earth. You see, the Kniterate chomps through
wool at an inch per second, allowing you to
churn out a gaudy sweater, novelty scarf or
bobble hat in no time at all. Just choose the
size and pattern of your desired item from
the software’s templates, or upload your own
images for it to work with. Soon you’ll have the
perfect warmer to survive those fallout chills,
and with adorable neon polka dots too.I’m sold. How long until I can drop a stitch on
this thing?
Auntie Mabel had better keep those old plastic
needles handy for another year at least. Early
Kniterates won’t arrive until April 2018 and are
currently priced at a $4499 on Kickstarter,
which is expensive in 3D printer terms.
Suddenly gone off the idea of becoming
a full-time seamster? A pledge of $50 to
the campaign will bag you a natty patterned
scarf, which is also expensive in scarf terms.
But such is the price of being really, really,
ridiculously good-looking.Knit G ma i o obsolescence
[ WordsRob Leedham ]W
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