42 | MENTORS MAGAZINE | EDITION 2
be to reinforce or highlight certain norms
and behaviors with your stories and to draw
positive attention to them.
Below are three types of
stories that every leader
should master. My hope
is that they inspire read-
ers to dig deeper into
this topic and to identify
and cultivate potential
stories that can help you
accomplish important
objectives.
- Stories We Tell
Ourselves
We constantly assemble bits and pieces of
information of what we observe around us
and automatically turn them into stories that
tend to reinforce our long-developed beliefs.
If those stories are positive ones—you ad-
mire a colleague and tend particularly to no-
tice the admirable things she does, you pride
yourself on your own punctuality and pat
yourself on the back whenever you find
yourself (again!) to be the first person to
show up at a meeting—these perspectives
are often uplifting and empowering.
The problem comes when we tell ourselves
negative stories. For instance, if I feel that
the people around me are lazy and incompe-
tent, the stories I create will be based on
morsels of data that “conform” that belief.
Or if I feel that I don’t measure up to others’
expectations, the stories I create will rein-
force this self-assessment, prominently fea-
turing my mistakes, my failures, and others’
expressions of disappointment in me. And
so, a vicious loop is creat-
ed where negative per-
ceptions—including of
the self—determine the
stories we tell ourselves,
which in turn play out in
full color to reinforce
these perceptions.Clearly these aren’t pro-
ductive narratives, nor do
they serve the people
and organizations we
lead. And while I’m
aware that years of cog-
nitive behavioral therapy may sometimes be
the most effective solution to modify such
beliefs-and-values–powered narratives, I’d
like to suggest that we have the option to
intervene any time we recognize (self-
awareness!) the unproductive nature of the
stories we tell ourselves.It’s clear that the stories we tell ourselves
have an impact not just on our own behav-
ior, but also on our engagement with others
and in turn on their perceptions of us as
leaders, colleagues, and partners. By careful-
ly examining our dominant narratives and
making sure they contribute positive value
to our and others’ lives, we’re one step clos-
er to wielding real influence with the power
of storytelling.“It’s clear that the stories
we tell ourselves have an
impact not just on our own
behavior, but also on our
engagement with others
and in turn on their percep-
tions of us as leaders, col-
leagues, and partners.”