the times Saturday May 28 20222Weekend
year afterwards because she felt an “obli-
gation”).
“For our generation sex was shrouded in
secrecy and horror,” Collins says. “So
when I first had sex I thought, ‘Is this love?
I suppose it must be.’ The first time I saw a
naked man was the night I was raped.”
Her third husband, Ron Kass, manager
of the Beatles, was reportedly a drug
addict. Her fourth, Peter Holm, was a
womanising bully.
Such a succession of disasters would
have finished many people.
“That’s true, I think. But I have resil-
ience, as did my sister Jackie, probably
because we grew up during the war. Being
woken up at night and led down into the
cellar and the next day finding your home
and all your toys destroyed... You learnt to
accept terrible things happening and
moved on.”That resilience has made her tough
but means she is endlessly mistaken for
the women she plays — especially schem-
ing Alexis Colby in 1980s soap Dynasty.
“People enjoy this fantasy that I am a
‘superbitch’, as the Daily Express once put
it. I think it’s utterly ridiculous that power-
ful, resilient women are portrayed as dan-
gerous, whereas in my experience it’s thepredatory men who are the real threat.”
These days, she says, pornography has
made the problem worse.
“I find porn sickening — it’s destroying
relationships. Young men these days are
watching it from the age of nine and they
grow up with ridiculous expectations of
women’s bodies. No woman can hope to
live up to their fantasies. When I was a
child at boarding school all we had was
Forever Amber [the 1944 historical novel
by Kathleen Winsor], in which the hero
holds a girl in his arms and finds her soft
lips. It was gentle, you could imagine.. .”
The thing with Collins is she is never
dogmatic. No sooner has she made her
point than her critical gaze swings the
other way.
“I think modern women can be too mili-
tant, though — it’s very difficult for men.
They even have to ask a woman permis-
sion for a kiss. It must be terrifying! Do you
seek permission to kiss your wife?”
Er no, not every time. I sense the vibe.
“You do what?!”
I trust my instincts.
“I’m glad to hear it.”
These days Collins is blissfully happy.
She found love 20 years ago after meeting
the theatre producer Percy Gibson in
America. He’s 32 years her junior. She calls
him “Big Dog”.
The trick to a successful marriage, she
says, is to talk, laugh and have separate
bathrooms. Crucially, she advises young
women to see beyond sex.
“I think that is a mistake I made in
earlier marriages. I didn’t explore who the
real person was.”
Collins has homes in central London,
Los Angeles and in the south of France.
She loves eating out, then going home toto her.”
Collins even lobbied for the role but lost
out to Vanessa Kirby, Helena Bonham
Carter and Lesley Manville, who played
the princess at various ages.
“I’m not going to knock my fellow actors
but, to my mind, the whole thing was mis-
cast. They made some appalling mistakes.
I loved Claire Foy [who played the Queen],
but I couldn’t watch the rest.”
Collins has very decided ideas about
what makes a good royal, on screen and
off. She loves the Cambridges. I wonder
how she’d feel if she bumped into the Suss-
exes next week.
“You will never hear those two names
pass my lips,” she says, vigorously slashing
at her bread with a butter knife.
Why ever not?
“Because I would be cancelled. Every-
one wants to know what I think of them
but I say nothing. I’m not a liar. I cannot be
false. One of the things I can’t bear about
Hollywood is when people say, ‘Darling,
you look gorgeous!’ to the most ill-
dressed people imaginable. I have to speak
as I find.”
Last year Collins proved this was very
much the case when she published My Un-
apologetic Diaries. The actress Faye Duna-
way’s “ass” looked as if it had been shaped
with a “bacon slicer”. Frank Sinatra was a
bore. The actors Richard Burton and Rich-
ard Todd, even the US senator Robert F
Kennedy, all unsuccessfully tried it on
with her. Her one-time fiancé the actor
Warren Beatty’s need for sex several times
a day “wore me out”.
And that was even before we get to her
actual marriages. Her first husband, the
actor Maxwell Reed, drugged and raped
her before they were married (they wed aJoan
Collins’s
perfect
we ekend
Shoulder pads or hoodie?
Oh please, really?
The Stud or The Bitch?
The Stud — rather a good
film, you know
Five-star hotel or Airbnb?
Five-star hotel
Smoothie or fry-up?
Fry-up on weekends
Cinema or theatre?
Cinema
What’s your screensaver?
My granddaughter Ava
Signature dish?
Spaghetti bolognese
I couldn’t get through my
weekend without...
Watching a good film
I couldn’t get through the
jubilee weekend
without...
Decent weather. We’re
in an open-topped
car and if it rains we’re
all going to
look frightfulT
he night before I meet her,
Dame Joan Collins was up
late playing poker. “Of
course I won,” she wafts
imperiously. “But the food
we ate was rather too spicy.”
As a result her tum is not
feeling quite right this morning so she
wants to order her lunch off-menu: two
poached eggs and some plain rice. How-
ever, we are in Claridge’s, Mayfair. I see
caviar, oysters and a £90 steak but nothing
so simple as eggs. Our waitress says she
will “check” with the chef.
Big mistake. You don’t “check” with Joan
Collins.
“I want my special dietary lunch,” she
insists.
Our waitress scuttles off.
“She’d better hurry or I’ll starve to
death,” Collins grumbles. “And I wish she’d
take off that mask — Covid is over!”
I have been cordially invited to take the
89-year-old film legend to lunch so that we
can discuss her role in next week’s
Platinum Jubilee celebrations.
With the model Twiggy and the choreo-
grapher Arlene Phillips, Collins will ride
through London in a vintage open-top
Jaguar, waving to the crowds as part of a
tribute called Dames in Jags.
“Hags in Jags, more like,” she scoffs.
“Sorry ladies, but really that’s what it is.”
I am laughing so hard I don’t register a
subtle change in mood. With Collins it’s a
mistake ever to believe you’ve been fully
admitted to the tent.
“Are you a monarchist?” she asks me
suddenly.
I’m still mumbling a jumbled, hedged
answer when she interrupts me.
“You ought to be. The Queen is an in-
credible woman. I’m quite old-fashioned
in that way. We’ve become far too bashful
about waving the flag. Rule, Britannia!”
Collins has just turned 89, hence feels
she has grown up with the 96-year-old
monarch. When she and her sister Jackie
(the novelist who died of breast cancer in
2015) were evacuated from London to Bo-
gnor Regis during the Second World War,
they were given miniature cardboard cut-
outs of the then young princesses, Eliza-
beth and Margaret Rose, to play with.
“I cut out paper clothes and stuck them
on,” she recalls. “ Then I chatted to them
about their lives and hopes and dreams. Of
course I didn’t know them but they were
confidantes — they were like friends.”
Postwar Collins became a Hollywood
star, signing to 20th Century Fox aged 21,
and in her 70-year career she has met the
Queen six or seven times.
“She’s a really great conversationalist
who knows a lot about the theatre,” she
says before turning a bit frosty. “Of course
that’s when she’s actually allowed to speak
to anyone for more than two seconds.”
If there were any natural justice,
Collins’s lifelong emotional connection to
Her Majesty would have been made
complete when Netflix created The Crown
— her louche ease in fur would surely have
made her a memorable Princess Margaret.
“Oh, I would have been very good,”
she agrees. “I would have brought so muchThe Queen is incredible.
We’ve become far too
bashful about waving
the f lag. Rule, Britannia!
I would have been very good as
Collins with the Queen at the
Royal Academy of Arts in 2012Celebrating the 75th anniversary
of VE Day in May 2020Dame Joan Collins on 70 years in the spotlight — and
her latest role in the jubilee celebrations. By Michael Odell