The Sunday Times Magazine • 19SOPHIA SPRING FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE. WITH THANKS TO THE TRAFALGAR ST JAMES
- King
Charles is on
the throne, with
Queen Camilla
by his side.
The Duke and
Duchess of
Cambridge are
touring the
country, shoring
up the Union. The Duke of York is wiling
away his days in Cornwall, out of sight
and temptation. The Sussexes are back
as working royals, touring the world to
promote “the new Commonwealth”, of
which Charles is no longer head of state.
“The Firm” has never looked more modern
and its credit rating is higher than anyone
dared to imagine after Charles’s coronation.
Wishful thinking by arch-monarchists?
No. This is what the woman who wrote the
book on the royals thinks could happen,
provided the monarchy plays its cards right.
Tina Brown, the British-born journalist
and author, has written the recent history
of the House of Windsor in two bestselling
books, The Diana Chronicles and now The
Palace Papers. Her sources — more than 120
in the latest book alone — are impeccable.
She lunched with Princess Diana just weeks
before she died and for her latest tome she
has tracked down chatty courtiers and ladies-
in-waiting, “tramping up and down the stairs
of their fading walk-up flats that reek of
downward mobility and pointless, genteel
sacrifice”, as she puts it in The Palace Papers.
She also knows a thing or two about
modernising revered brands to keep them
relevant. She successfully revamped the
crusty toffs’ bible Tatler in London before
moving to New York to breathe new life
into the ailing Vanity Fair and, later, the
cerebral but rather musty New Yorker
magazine. She thinks the House of Windsor
has to pull off a rebranding more epic than
all of hers put together. Her blueprint
includes a blockbuster coronation for King
Charles; the new monarch quitting as head
of state of Commonwealth countries;
Andrew exiled; and Harry and Meghan
sensationally brought back into the family
fold. “With the right advisers and actions,
the monarchy can secure its future,” she says.
A future? For a family rocked to its creaky
foundations by the antics of the “coroneted
sleaze machine” Andrew, the shock of
Megxit and the recent disastrous tours of
the Caribbean Commonwealth countries?
Without the Queen to hold together the
gilded theme park enterprise, surely it will
crumble. Not at all, Brown says, as next
weekend’s jubilee celebrations will prove.
“Whenever there is a big royal event,
there’s anxiety, gloomy predictions that
nobody cares any more — and every time
it’s proved completely wrong. People go
absolutely mad. The monarchy still retains
a deep resonance with British people.”
Why? “It’s the accumulation of our
history, the thread that pulls us through
collective memory. Aside from the
monarchy, what unites us? Football. That’s
it.” Is she really sure many Britons wouldn’t
rather have a president? “The world is
turbulent — Covid, economic stress,
Ukraine. People are anxious. The Queen
provides a sense of composure — a safe
space, dare I say it — at the top. It’s easy
just to think of her as a symbol but her
role is meaningful. Her ‘we’ll meet again’
broadcast during lockdown soothed the
nation in ways no president ever could.”
So, the royals survive. But how can they
thrive? The charge sheet against them is
long and damning and, since Megxit, has
left them “more wobbly than ever”. Looking
rather like a judge on It’s a Royal Knockout in
her electric-pink jacket, black trousers and
fake crocodile-skin slingbacks, Brown reads
out each: “Coldness, extreme entitlement, a
lingering colonial mindset, profligacy, sexual
predation and, at times, creaking stupidity.”
Part of a successful rebranding exercise
for the House of Windsor will be to ignore
those who use the “moment of seismic peril
when the Queen dies” to call for Britain to
become a republic or argue that the King
should opt for a slimmed-down coronation
more in keeping with straitened economic
times. “Charles needs a shock-and-awe,crimson and ermine coronation to blow
the doors off the start of his reign and affirm
his role and that of the monarchy. It needs
to be absolutely mesmerising and seen by
hundreds of millions of people around the
world. He has to go balls to the wall” — an
Americanism that, one suspects, is not in
common usage at Highgrove.
Then what, I ask as Brown settles into her
armchair in Soho House, one of a chain of
private members’ clubs in central London
where Harry and Meghan had their first
date. Charles will be “a better king than
many people expect”, she predicts. “He has
been in the waiting room for 70 years. He
has seen a lot, been through a lot and knowsevery kind of world leader. He has always
been authentic — never tried to be
something he isn’t. He has been ahead
of the curve on everything from the
importance of interfaith dialogue to organic
farming and sustainable living. What once
looked like tree-hugging fogeyishness now
looks prescient.”
That said, his age — 73 — means “he will
be a transitional monarch” and he has to
accept that. “He has to prepare the ground
for William — to get the monarchy in shape,
modernise what needs to be modernised
and rethink its role so William can lead it
safely into a new, long chapter. If there are
any hard decisions to be made, and there are,
Charles should be the one to make them.”
The new King needs to start by “right-
sizing and shaping” the institution, so it
is fit for modern, less lavish times. Brown
thinks Charles has already decided he will
live in a private apartment at Buckingham
Palace and will allocate more of its 52 royal
and guest bedrooms and 188 staff bedrooms
to year-round public tours. Balmoral Castle
is likely to become a museum of his mother’s
reign, “a wonderful idea”, while Highgrove
and Birkhall will remain the kingly retreats.
Hundreds of staff will be let go — “Who
needs yeomen of the pantry?” — but, as
king, Charles will still indulge his taste for
grandeur and mystique. The royal toothpaste
squeezer is unlikely to be axed.
One role that will have to disappear is
that of the Duke of York. “Charles needs to
ensure Prince Andrew becomes a ghost.IT’S
THE ROYAL CHARGE SHEET? “COLDNESS,
EXTREME ENTITLEMENT, SEXUAL PREDATION
AND, AT TIMES, CREAKING STUPIDITY”
The Vanity Fair editor turned
royal biographer Tina Brown