KATE MARTIN
BOOKS TO LIVE BY●Mariella Frostrup
How to live your best
life after turning 60
WRITE TO
MARIELLA
Got a dilemma?
Email mariella@
sunday-times.
co.uk. Anonymity
on requestI
am in my sixties, fit and healthy. It is only my
husband and I living together; our child is
marrying soon. In the past few years all my best
female friends have moved away, as have our
best “couple” friends. I miss them deeply and
am afraid I‘ve lost some of my courage. I worry
about joining a new class at the gym and being the
oldest there. I worry about going after some of my
dreams. Am I still allowed to have dreams? I don’t
use social media and I don’t want to. I’d like to read
something to inspire me to do more. Nothing sad;
something to give me hope, to get my mojo back!W
ell, where to start? I’m delighted to report that
there is plenty of evidence, in literature and in
life, of people living bigger and better in maturity
to prise you out of your existential despond. You
are nowhere near your final chapter — in all likelihood
you’re at around the two-thirds mark — so don’t
squander your time mourning absent friends and
unfulfilled dreams. The remaining members of theRolling Stones have been playing for your entire lifespan
and they’re not hiding away. Instead they’re marking
their latest anniversary by embarking on a world tour
with the celebratory title Sixty! I never thought I’d be
citing Mick’n’Keef as role models, but when it comes
to ageing it’s hard not to extend grudging respect.
I might normally applaud your lack of interest in
social media, but shunning all modern forms of
communication could be an act of self-harm. Both my
best friends live abroad and were it not for FaceTime
I’d be a lot lonelier. Why not surprise your friends
by setting up a WhatsApp group that keeps you in
conversation, or an online book club? Feel free to suggest
one of the titles below to kick-start proceedings.
You don’t want to end up like the eponymous hero in
Kingsley Amis’s Jake’s Thing (Vintage Classics, £9.99)
— a lonely Oxford academic with a loathing of almost
anything modern. Today Jake would doubtless have
sat lonely in his rooms refusing to phone a friend. His
self-defeating stance offers a salutary lesson not to get
stuck in an inescapable groove ■The Exhibitionist
Charlotte Mendelson
Mantle, £16.99
Lucia is the subservient wife
of a tortured artist, Ray, whose
epic ego leaves no space for
her to flourish. The issue
for Ray is that Lucia is by far
the better artist, a fact he’s
suppressed for all of their
marriage. The blackly amusing
story of how she finds her
voice and rediscovers her
sexuality in midlife is hilariously
traced here by one of my
favourite waspish writers.Spring
Ali Smith
Penguin, £8.99
The story of an ageing TV
director, Richard, whose glory
days feel far behind, but who
regains his sense of self partly
through encountering a young
girl who personifies goodness.
Ali Smith is like a literary
gardener, nurturing new shoots
to life with her unrestrained
imagination and wisdom.
Spring is part of her seasonal
quartet, full of metaphors for
different stages in our lives.Mrs Dalloway
Virginia Woolf
Vintage Classics, £7.99
I’m not sure there is a more
lyrical meditation on middle
age. As the heroine, Clarissa
Dalloway, moves through
her day-long preparations
for a “perfect” party for her
politician husband, she slips
into the mental flotsam and
jetsam accrued over her life.
She’s actually experiencing an
existential crisis, which Woolf
turns into a beautiful ode to
dignity, memory and survival.Left on Tenth: A Second
Chance at Life
Delia Ephron
Doubleday, £16.99
The Ephron sisters, Nora and
Delia, are best known for their
collaborations on romantic
comedies such as You’ve Got
Mail. Here, Delia explores the
pain of losing her husband
and sister, and the surprise
of subsequently falling in love
again at 72, just as she is
plunged into her own life-
threatening health crisis. A
memoir full of wit and wisdom.The Sunday Times Magazine • 49