The Sunday Times Magazine - UK (2022-05-29)

Which brings us to the car
I was using to sit in that traffic
jam on the A40. It was a Kia
Sportage GT hybrid, which had
two USB ports in the front and
then one in the back of each
front seat. You even get a choice
of port; both USB and USB-C.
This, then, is a car where
everyone can be connected, so
who cares that it takes about
a year to get from 0 to 60?
There are other gimmicks to
distract you as well, such as a
wraparound glass dashboard
that looks like the sort of thing
CIA tech people in Jason
Bourne movies look at when
they’re tracking his movements
from space.
I pushed one button and the
screen showed me which motor
was driving the wheels at any
given moment — the electric
motor in the back or the petrol
engine at the front. I couldn’t
really see the point of this.
I was then deeply irritated,
when the traffic eased, by the
car’s insistence that it could
steer round corners better than
me. To try to turn the system
off, I had first to work out how
to change the heater controls
into controls for the screen.
Luckily the car did all the
steering while I did this.
Then it did some more
steering while I went through
every single one of the ten
options on the screen and all of
the further options that were
offered up when I selected one
of them. Having established
that I couldn’t use any of them
to stop the car steering itself,
I tried all of the buttons on the
steering wheel until eventually
a little green light on the
dashboard went off. But the car
was still steering itself, so I
pushed the button for a couple
of seconds and then another
light went off. And I took back
manual control — until I joined
a motorway and the little lights
came back on again.
I appreciate that a car that can
steer itself could be useful if you
nod off or you’re distracted by
someone in the back who can’t
find the USB port. But it is very
unuseful when a bus is heading
straight for you on your side of
the road and you need to stray
over the white line to miss it.
When this happened to me, the
Kia did its damnedest to have a
head-on collision.

handling and braking and power

delivery were actually used to

make a handy charging station

for the driver’s iPhone, and cup

holders that can deal with any

size of can, and a parcel shelf

that can be stored under the

boot floor. Actually I quite liked

that idea. Even if it does mean

you get no spare wheel at all.

So what do you do if you

get a puncture? Well, you sit

at the side of the road with

all the conked-out Teslas

waiting for the RAC to turn up.

I’ve done quite a lot of sitting

around since Kia took the

Sportage away, trying to work

out whether it’s a good car or

not. It doesn’t do a single thing

that I consider important well.

It’s almost wilfully boring. But

does this matter any more?

Are we now more bothered

by connectivity and economy

and the ability to change the

colour of the interior lighting?

If we are, then the Kia is fine.

In the same way that your

dishwasher is fine. It does a job

and it does it reliably and well.

But is it better than a VW

Tiguan or an MG HS or a

Hyundai Tucson or a Skoda

Enyaq or a Nissan Kumquat or

a Ford Kuga or a BMW X3 or a

Peugeot 3008 or a Seat Ateca or

a Honda CR-V or a Mazda CX-5

or a Toyota RAV4 or a Citroën

C5 Aircross? The list goes on

and on, but as my spell-checker

is exhausted we’ll stop there.

Motoring journalists used to

spend their time working out

which felt the best, and which

was the most exciting and the

most comfortable and the most

practical. He or she would try to

fathom the unmeasurable and

then make a decision based on

how quickly the car got from 0

to 60. Now, though, people only

want to know which one has the

most USB ports. And you don’t

need a motoring journalist for

that. But I can tell you: it’s the

Chevrolet Traverse, which has

seven. So buy one of those n

Engine

1598cc, 4 cylinders, petrol

plus electric motor

Power

226bhp @ 5500rpm

Torque

258 Ib ft @ 1500rpm

Acceleration

0-62mph: 8.0sec

Top speed

120mph

Fuel / CO 2

48.7mpg / 132g/km

Weight

1,649kg

Price

£38,655

Release date

On sale now

Jeremy’s rating

The Clarksometer

Kia Sportage GT-Line S 1.6 T-GDI

Hybrid 2WD

1,650mm

4,515mm 1,865mm

To drive? Who cares, really?

No one who’s interested in a

Korean SUV, that’s for sure.

I can tell you that in “Sport”

mode the engine makes a

terrible noise when it’s

stretched, and that at slow

speeds the brakes make a weird

groaning noise. The sort of

sound an old person makes

when he’s getting out of a chair.

I think it’s safe to say that the

engineers who, in the past,

would have been working on

Price

Power

0-62mph

Top speed

Head

to head

Kia Sportage GT-Line

S 1.6 T-GDI Hybrid

2WD v BMW X1

xDrive 25e

£38,655

226bhp

8.0sec

120mph

£39,860

217bhp

6.9sec

119mph

A car that can steer itself is very

unuseful when a bus is heading

for you on your side of the road

The Sunday Times Magazine • 51