Four Four Two - UK (2022-07)

RECORD

SCORERS

that, despite being only 5ft 8in, he could

jump very high. Tractor Boys goals: zero.

“APRIL FOOLS!”

In April 1984, Singapore’s Straits Times made

a dramatic announcement on its cover: Fandi

Ahmad had signed for Manchester United.

Only, he hadn’t – the Groningen frontman,

who would go on to net a record 55 goals for

Singapore, was the subject of an April Fools

joke on a hopeful nation, believing their hero

had joined a world giant. Ahmad never did

get to work with Ron Atkinson, and United

signed Alan Brazil instead. Ahmad couldn’t

have been much worse...

SWISS CHEESED (OFF)

Not even Alexander Frei’s 42 Switzerland

goals endeared him to his country’s fans.

Despite bagging a goal every other game for

the Nati, Frei wasn’t always revered – not

helped by an incident at Euro 2004 when he

was banned for spitting at Steven Gerrard.

Fast-forward six years, and Frei was booed

by his own fans throughout a match against

Wales – even though the Swiss were cruising

to a 4-1 victory. Jeered mercilessly when he

was substituted, Frei quit soon afterwards.

SOME RECORD HOLDERS

ALS0 OWN BANGING

NICKNAMES. BEHOLD,

JAN ‘THE HUMAN

LIGHTHOUSE’ KOLLER

THE ANDORRAN STEVE BRUCE

Ildefons Lima may be a centre-back, but
that hasn’t stopped him claiming just about
every record going in Andorra. Not only is the
42-year-old still plodding on as their record
appearance maker, his debut coming back in
1997, but he’s also their leading marksman
after netting a hefty 11 goals in 133 games.
He isn’t the only defender to hold a national
record: Emilio Nsue is Equatorial Guinea’s
top scorer, despite playing at right-back for
Middlesbrough and Birmingham.

NOT BAD FOR A FATTY

Some record holders also own banging
nicknames. Behold, the Human Lighthouse
(Czech Republic’s 6ft 8in targetman Jan
Koller, pictured below), the Bulawayo Bullet
(Zimbabwe’s Peter Ndlovu), the Man of Steel
(Maldives’ Ali Ashfaq, not actually made of
steel) and the Deer (Indonesia’s Abdul Kadir).
Panama’s Luis Tejada was originally called
Fatty, before upgrading to Matador, while
Guatemala’s Carlos Ruiz started off as Little
Fish but grew a bit too big, so just became
Fish. No word on whether he later became
Cardboard Box. Long before Lionel Messi,
there was also the original Flea – Saint Lucia’s
Earl Jean, who was given his moniker after he
joined Ipswich in 1996 and proudly declared