42 July 2022 FourFourTwo
LAST OF THE MOHICANS
Fair play to Marek Hamsik (right): he settled
on a hairstyle and he’s stuck with it, despite
being 34 and way past the point where it
became slightly silly. At this stage, we fully
expect him to be desperately clinging on to
his precious mohawk when he’s 75, turning
up to bingo with the flashiest haircut in all
of pensionerdom. It’s brought him good luck:
although a midfielder, Hamsik has broken
goalscoring records for club and country. He
initially surpassed Diego Maradona’s scoring
milestone at Napoli before being gazumped
by Dries Mertens, but still leads the way for
Slovakia with 26 efforts. Slovakian schools
must have had a nightmare over the past
decade, trying to stop impressionable eight-
year-olds aping Hamsik’s barnet.
CHEEKY NANDO
No country’s record goalscorer has a better
strike rate than Nando Co, who hit nine goals
in just six appearances for Guinea-Bissau
before his international career came
to an abrupt halt. Things are
rather different in Gibraltar:
four players hold the record
on just three apiece,
with some distinctly
underwhelming strike
rates. Stourbridge striker
Reece Styche, Wycombe’s
Tjay De Barr and veteran
policeman Lee Casciaro
have lined up 23, 28 and
45 times respectively, while
former Portsmouth and
Notts County midfielder Liam
Walker bagged his treble over
the course of 59 appearances
- that’s one goal every 19.7
games. Nando Co could have
plundered 88 in that time...
KLOPP AND THE BASKETBALL STAR
If you thought Gibraltar’s goalscoring
record seemed unimpressive, the US
Virgin Islands can easily top that. The
Caribbean team’s record is just two
goals, shared by six different players,
although in fairness they’ve only ever
played 59 official matches. Bryce
Pierre had to work for his share of
the record – his two strikes came 13
years apart in 2006 and 2019 – but
Maryland-born midfielder Reid Klopp
turned up, scored on his debut in
2011, then scored again a week later.
Suddenly, he was the joint-record
goalscorer. Kevin Sheppard also
shares the record, even though he
was actually a basketball player –
his pro career earned him moves
to teams in Venezuela, Israel,
Poland, Spain, Argentina and
Iran. He also briefly dabbled
in football, scoring two goals
in two games for the Virgin
Islands in 2002. Swish.
RECORD
SCORERSSCHOOLS IN SLOVAKIA
MUST HAVE A NIGHTMARE
TRYING TO STOP KIDS
APING HAMSIK’S BARNET
THE STRIKER WHO WENT TO WAR
American Samoa’s football pedigree isn’t
exactly distinguished – they famously lost
31-0 to Australia in 2001 – but things picked
up when Ramin Ott emerged. He may only
have three goals at international level, but
it’s enough to give him American Samoa’s
national record, and two of them incredibly
earned victories – both against Tonga. The
other goal? They lost that game 12-1 to the
Solomon Islands. The 35-year-old is also
a US Army sergeant, serving in Afghanistan.ADEBAYOR, ADEBAYOR...
Emmanuel Adebayor is Togo’s
greatest ever footballer, so it’s
probably no surprise that
he holds their goalscoring
record, having also helped
to deliver the African nation
their first ever World Cup
appearance in 2006. He’s
not the only Adebayor
to top the scoring charts,
though: in the rather less
distinguished football land
of Niger, Victorien Adebayor
is currently up to a record
17 goals. The 25-year-old
joined Danish club Vejle in
2018 but failed to turn up
when agreed, then couldn’t
be contacted. He sounds like
an Adebayor, alright.BLADE FOR A QUID
Twice, Asian icons puzzlingly turned
up in Yorkshire. Twice, they left without
making any impact. Kiatisuk Senamuang
may have been dubbed the David Beckham
of Thailand, netting 74 goals, but there was
widespread bemusement when he arrived
at Huddersfield Town in 1999. Completely
unknown in England, he featured for the
reserves and then departed without playing
a first-team game. China’s record marksman
Hao Haidong did at least register one outing
for Sheffield United, who signed him from
Dalian Shide in 2005 for the curious fee of
£1. Earlier in his career, he’d been banned
for six months after a fight with Guangdong
Hongyuan defender Craig Allardyce, son of
Sam. He went on to notch 41 international
goals but was 34 by the time he moved to
Bramall Lane, with many suspecting it was
a publicity stunt. Introduced as a second-
half substitute in the FA Cup Third Round,
he couldn’t stop the Blades losing 2-1 at
home to Colchester.