Time Sep

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TheView Parenting


about it. Our pessimism derives in large
part from our collective expectation that
we can do better. But that can be a source
of optimism as well.

MODERATE YOUR NEWS INTAKE
On any given day ugly things have been
said and done justice has not been
served—and vast forces are now aligned
to ensure we don’t miss a minute of
it. But those lashes of anxiety are
mostly pointless. I may need and want
to know what’s going on in the world
but news delivered in that manner
evokes fear rather than informs and
it makes our children worried as well.
It’s diicult for them to feel secure
when they see us reacting constantly to
outside events that are often invisible to
them. That’s why I’ve turned my news
notiications of.

INVOLVE YOURSELF
IN YOUR COMMUNITY
Following the “big scary” news can
not only leave us feeling helpless and
distraught it can also distract us from
the smaller issues where knowing the
facts and then acting might make a
diference. So put your energy toward
making sure you and your family are a
part of the world immediately around
you. That might mean volunteering
or voting but it might also mean
simply joining and being part of local
institutions and clubs that feed our
natural human need for connection (not
of the digital kind). Find something in
your area that makes you feel hopeful
and make it a part of your family life.
Raising optimistic kids is hard in
part because it demands that parents
relinquish the cynical perspective
that’s the easiest response to an era of
pessimism. But while I don’t know what
I or you or our kids can do to make the
news better I do know that we need
to ind ways to try—and that means
answering the “optimists wanted” call
and raising our children to do the same.
Hopeful resilient problem solvers
needed. No application necessary. Just
show up and make the best of it.

Dell’Antonia is the author of How to Be
a Happier Parent: Raising a Family
Having a Life and Loving (Almost)
Every Minute

WANTED: OPTIMISTS. MUST ENJOY CHALLENGES APPRECIATE
possibilities and possess a deep belief in your ability to master
a situation. Hope for the future a must and conidence in that
hope a strong plus. If your motto is “try try again” you’re
perfectly set to make the most of this—or any—opportunity.

There are excellent reasons for anyone—nations businesses
schools—to seek out the optimistic. And they are even truer
for parents. Optimists make better entrepreneurs experience
better health outcomes live longer and are more satisied with
their relationships. Their optimism enables them to continue
to strive in the face of diiculty while pessimism leaves them
depressed and resigned to failure—even expecting it.
I want a hopeful outlook for my children. I think most of
us do. But we live in particularly pessimistic times especially
when we consider the environment the government and
education. The resulting stew of negativity makes me worry
that the future—my kids’ future—will be grimmer. Yet how
can I expect them to practice what I barely manage to preach?
Fortunately research suggests ways to help our children
grow up with the resilient “can do” attitude that’s the mark of
the optimist—and maintain a happier disposition ourselves.
Here’s what I’ve learned and what I’m trying.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE POSITIVE
There’s one problem with the pessimist’s perspective: progress
is happening everywhere. Humanity has improved by many
measures—life expectancy poverty malnutrition illiteracy
religious tolerance gender equality. But that success has
become the water in which we swim and like ish we take
the water for granted. While we fail to notice the positive our
brains naturally emphasize the negative. As neuropsychologist
Rick Hanson described in his 2013 bookHardwiring Happiness
we are designed to focus on the beasts that are still out there in
the deep rather than on those we have tamed.
But with practice we can help our brains give the good
stuf equal weight. Hanson’s advice: when you hear a great
story or achieve something in your own life or just ind
yourself in a beautiful place with those you love deliberately
rest your mind on that experience and stay with it. Sink into
that feeling he writes “as it sinks into you.” Describe what
you’re doing to your kids and encourage them to dwell on
their joys and pleasures as well.

CHANGE HOW YOU EXPLAIN CURRENT EVENTS
Optimism can be developed. Researchers found that when even
people with a more pessimistic outlook use positive language
to describe situations they ind traumatic their feelings about
the situation become more positive and their more generalized
sense of optimism increases. That’s something we can try at
home. While an event that’s driving the news may be bad I tell
my kids to take note of all the people trying to do something

Raising optimistic kids in


an era of pessimism
By KJ Dell’Antonia

Our
pessimism
derives
from our
collective
expectation
that we can
do better.
But that can
be a source
of optimism
as well

ILLUSTRATION BY MARTIN GEE FOR TIME

Free download pdf