Words: Mark Brook,
Good Health & Wellbeing
magazine.
TIMINGIS
EVERYTHING
Whilethere’snotimelimitto
grief,psychologistAnnieGurton
saysif it’stoosoon,yournew
romanticinterestrisksbeing
overcomebyfeelingsofguilt.
Cluestolookforareif hehas
alreadybeendatingandtalks
aboutwantingtofindloveagain.
Butif it’sonlybeena fewweeks
ormonths,youmayencounter
resentmentandconcernfrom
hisfamilyandfriends,aswell
asrawgrieffromhim.
“Friendsandfamilycan
sometimesfeelthathe’snot
readyforlove,orthatshewas
sospecialnooneelsecan
replaceher,”saysAnnie.“Even
whenthey’resupportiveand
happytoseehimina loving
relationshipagain,therewill
alwaysbea partofhislifethat
didn’tincludeyou.”
Whileyoumustacknowledge
herroleasthefirstwife,makeit
clearyou’renottryingtoreplace
herorerasehermemory.You
areyourownperson,andover
time,shouldbeacceptedasa
valuable,lovingpartnerinyour
ownright,nota replacement.WATCHFOR
REDFLAGS
Whileyoucan’tpreventhim
fromthinkingabouther,if you
feelhislatewifestillhasa real
presenceinhisheart,becareful.
Ifyourwidowerislettinghis
latewifecomebetweenthe
twoofyou,it mightbebestfor
youtomoveon.
“Worryingsignsincludenot
wantingtointroduceyoutohis
familyandfriends,andnot
expressinghisfeelingstoyou,”
explainsAnnie.
Tobesurethere’sroominhis
heartforyou,listentohiswords
and observe his actions. If he’sHealth
FALLING FOR A WIDO WER
readyandwell-adjusted,he
willmakeyouhisfutureand
thereforea priority,and resist
livinginthepast.RESPECTHIS
HISTORY
Asyourrelationshipgrows,
acceptingthatanotherwoman
willalwaysbeinhismemories
canbedifficult.Butit’s
importanttorespecthispast
andtheconnectionhisadult
children,familyandfriends
stillhavetoher,aswell.
“Theywillnever
forgether,andyou
shouldn’twant
themto,butthat
doesn’tmean
shehastobe
discusseddailyor
hermementos
andphotosadorn
everywallinthe
house,”saysAnnie.
Withsensitivity
andtact,it’spossible
tofindwaystotalk
aboutherthatmake
youbothfeelsafe
andcomfortable.
“Everysooften,
askabouthowshe
wouldhavehandled
specialevents,such
asfamilybirthdays
andChristmas,”
saysAnnie.
“Youdon’t
wanttobecome
her ghost andIt’scrucialtofinda
happycompromise
betweenrespecting
hispastandcreating
a shared future.