New Zealand Listener – June 01, 2019

JUNE 1 2019 LISTENER

BRIDGE by David Bird

TAKE 5

by Simon Shuker

BARDEN’S

CHESS PROBLEMS

WIN THIS

Wordsworth

Jo Pratt’s collection of

fish recipes ranges from

snacks, soups and curries

to mains and salads, with

a helpful guide to fish

preparation.

Submissions: [email protected]

or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag

92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141.

Please include your address. Entries may

be edited for sense or space reasons.

This week’s challenge called for

submissions of cringeworthy love poems

and readers responded with some truly

deplorable verse.

Martyn Brown of Christchurch:

Like Mona Lisa is my love,/Her devotees

ecstatic;/She’s also two-dimensional,/idle,

and enigmatic.

Ellie Henderson, Motueka: Yo u ma ke

me dream of fair mermaids,/Green sea

lettuces are your braids./With iridescent

fish-scale eyes,/Entwining limbs like

octopi,/Your teeth are like the white sea

spume/And in your skinfolds, salt perfume.

Vanessa Haslem: My darling, I adore

thee/Your hands as large as plates/Your

eyes just like a possum’s,/Your breath smells

of milkshakes.

Barry Grant, Christchurch: Yo u ’ve g ot

a magnificent pair of pins/Exactly the right

number of chins/I could go on with this

flattering rhyme/But we can make better

use of our time,/So I’ll cut all the words

except for two:/You’ll do.

Anne Martin, Helensville: I love to gaze

into your eyes/Knowing I will see/Twin

images of my true love:/Incomparable me!

Rex McGregor, Auckland: I’ll love you

till the cows come home,/Or till the stars

blow up./But since your lustful eye may

roam,/I’ve drafted this prenup.

But this week’s winner is Poppy

Sinclair of Karori: Shall I compare thee to

a Brussels sprout?/My little cabbage, you

are short and stout,/Yet, boiling reveals a

tender heart,/An acquired taste, but I’m

struck by Cupid’s dart.

For the next contest, send us a

modern-day curse you might place

on an enemy. For example: may your

remote be forever hidden between

two cushions; or, may all your pistachio

shells be impossible to open. Entries,

for the prize below, close at noon on

Thursday, June 6.

by Gabe Atkinson

Tim Woolgar v Matthew Read, London

Chessboxing, 2014

Chessboxing sounds weird, but it has

become an established minority sport

with public exhibitions and keen fans. The

players alternate a round of boxing with

a speed chess game, and the winner is the

first to score with a knockout or checkmate.

Tim Woolgar is the UK’s most prominent

chessboxer, and although he is rook for

knight down in this week’s puzzle, he hoped

for overall victory. White’s plan is Qf6 gxf5

Qg5+ with perpetual check on the chessboard

giving the chance of a knockout in the next

boxing round. Woolgar had overlooked

something. What did Black play?

(Answer on page 62.)

East-West game, Dealer South

West North East South
— — — 2C
Pass 2 D Pass 2 NT
Pass 3 C Pass 3S
Pass 5 S Pass 6 S
All Pass

South did not like to risk a 1C opening on his
powerful hand. He opened 2C and rebid 2NT,
the only non-forcing rebid available. How
would you play the spade slam when West
leads the jack of clubs? You will need the king

of trumps to be onside, clearly. Suppose you

win with the ace of clubs and lead the four of

diamonds to dummy’s king. You run the jack

of spades successfully, followed by the 10 of

spades. When West shows out, you will be in

trouble. If you draw trumps, there will be no

entry to the blocked diamonds in dummy.

If, instead, you play a trump to the queen,

unblock the diamond ace and attempt to

reach dummy with a club ruff to discard your

hearts, you will run into a ruff. (You would

need East to be at least 3-3 in the minors.) A

better line is to cash both the ace and king

of diamonds before playing on trumps. After

two rounds, you can play dummy’s good

diamonds, leaving East with no winning

option. You would go down if diamonds were

5-1, but this is a smaller chance than a 4-1

trump break.

BIDDING QUIZ

WEST West North East South

♠ Q 10 7 — — 1 H Dble

♥ 7 6?

♦ A J 8 2

♣ Q 5 4 3

What will you say now on the West cards?

(Answer on page 62.)

EAST

♠

♥

♦

♣

WEST
♠
♥
♦
♣

2

A 8 6 4

8 7 3

J 10 9 7 6

SOUTH

♠

♥

♦

♣

NORTH

♠

♥

♦

♣

K 8 6 4

Q J 9 7 5

9 6 2

3

J 10 9 7

3 2

K Q J 10 5

5 4

A Q 5 3

K 10

A 4

A K Q 8 2