Pick Me Up! – 30 May 2019

If I everfelt

a bitgrubby

orguilty,I’d

justlookat

mylovely

moggies

REAL LIFE

WORDS:

RACHEL

TOMPKINS,

MOLLIE

MANSFIELD.

PHOTOS

(UNDIES/C

AT

FOOD

PHOTOS

ARE

LIBRARY

IMAGES):

MERCURY

PRESS,

GETTY

I need my

creature

comforts

soon I started getting more and

more requests.

They were always from men,

my age or younger.

Sometimes they wanted a

certain colour or type of

undies, in which case they

would send me the money to

buy them and then I’d wear the

knickers and post them to

them afterwards.

Some months, I wouldn’t

have any requests, and some

I’d have double figures. I was

self-employed, anyway, and I

declared it all on my tax return

so that it was all above board.

All the money went towards

looking after my feline friends.

Truth was, I’m not sure

how I could have fed them all

without it.

Especially as, by February

last year, it wasn’t just strays

I was taking in. Whenever I

saw a cute kitty or mangey mog

being given away in the local

paper or on Facebook, I’d give

them a home, too – terrified

that they might be used for bait

in dog fights if I didn’t.

Last May, my first furry

love, Squizzles, passed away

after having a stroke. He was

13 years old and

I was heartbroken.

I thought about getting

another rabbit as company for

Thumper – but she preferred

feline company, anyway.

All the while, the

kinky requests for a

grubby gusset kept

rolling in.

Then, one day

in June last year,

I received another

bizarre request.

Will you sell me

some socks you’ve

worn for 24 hours?

one man messaged.

I had to laugh.

OK, I replied, happily

posting him a pairof mysmelly

socks for £10.

It saved me washi

And for the onegu

wanted me to weart

gym so they gotreal

I charged £100mor

So far, so harmles

Then in October

I took in a British

blue cat, Paisley,wh

had heart problems

He had an

underdevelopedjaw

too, so his tongue stuck out.

Bless!

I couldn’t resist helping, but

the vet’s fees weren’t cheap.

So, when one man contacted

me asking to buy a

container of my

urine, I dithered. It

was gross...but he

was offering £150.

‘OK,’ I said.

‘It has to be the

first wee of the

morning,’ he said, so

that it smelt strong

and sweet like

Sugar Puffs.

Seriously?!

Thebloke,whowas in his

20s,askedtopayforvideosof

medoinga wee,too.

danger or take any

risks – but it was only a

video, and I wouldn’t

have to actually

meet him.

‘OK,’ I agreed,

making sure that he

could just see my bum

and not my face, just in

case it popped up on the

Internet anywhere.

He paid £40 a week

for a daily wee video!

Sadly, that stopped

after two months when

he got a girlfriend.

There were some

requests I’d turn down.

Things like people who

wanted full-frontal videos

of me and my lady garden

while I was weeing.

But if I ever felt a bit

grubby or guilty, I’d just

look at my lovely moggies

and know I was doing the

right thing.

Over the years, I’ve had

about 15 cats in total.

Now I’ve got Thumper

the rabbit, and five cats –

Paisley the British blue,

Missy a tortoiseshell calico

with a heart murmur,

Thomas the stray, Buddy a

short-haired black cat who

just adopted me, and a

white stray with gunky eyes

who I call Bud. But he’s still

quite timid and won’t come

too close.

I’ve got an old drum in

the garden with waterproof

covering over it for any cats

that are too scared to come into

the flat, and the rest of them

are like part of the furniture.

I love my cats more than

anything, but paying for

everything does add up.

I still do the odd night shift

as a carer but if it wasn’t for

my ‘alternative’ way of making

money, I’m not sure how

I’d manage.

Now, as well as selling the

thongs and socks, I also earn

cash from so-called money

slaves – men who pay money

into my account or buy stuff off

mywishlistjustbecause I want

themto.

ff onbeing bossed

don’teven have to

mback!

metany of these

sonand I don’t

htnot be the most

onalway of

living, but how

I make £60,000

vemy pussies the

y deserve?

iningthhem!

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ththemtothe

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earningaal

elsecouldI

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lifestyletheeyy

Feeding all

my pets

isn’t cheap

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