Pick Me Up! – 30 May 2019

Paranoid,

he’d

accuseme

oflooking

atother

men

WORDS:

KARA

O’NEILL,

ANN

CUSACK.

PHOTOS

(PHONE

IS

LIBRARY

PHOTO):

ALAmY,

FOCUS

FEATURES

Ian:not

everyone’s

cupoftea...

unc

hing

Hermateswarned

hershewastoo

good

forhernewfella...

Kayleighrutter,

27,

fromManchester,

wishesshe’dlistened

A

s mymateIan

sidledcloserto

meonthecouch,

I suddenlyfelta

shiverrundown

myspine.Next,

I felthisarmslippingquietly

aroundmyshoulder.

‘I’vefanciedyoufora long

time,’Ianmurmured.

It wasa shock,I have

toadmit.

I’dknownIanBrewsterfor

yearsbutneverreallythought

of himasboyfriendmaterial.

We’dalwaysgotonwell,but

I’dneverconsideredhimas

anythingmorethana friend.

Then,onenight,inApril

2018,hecameroundandwe

hada fewdrinks.

Laughingandjoking

away,I couldfeelthesexual

chemistryrisebetweenus.

And,sureenough,bythe

endof thenightweended

upkissing.

Surprising,butaftera recent

splitwithmydaughter’sfather,

I decidedit mightbethesortof

changeI needed.

Ianwasfunny,charmingand

alwaysupfora laugh.

SoI decidedtogiveit a go.

Butnoteveryonewason

boardwithourrelationship.

‘You’retoogoodforhim,’

saidmymateswhenthey

foundout.‘Waytoopretty!He’s

punchingabovehisweight.’

ButI justthoughttheywere

beingmean.

It wastrue,Ianwasn’tmy

usualtype.

Andthethuggishteardrop

tattooonhisfacewasn’tto

everyone’staste.

ButI’dknownhimforsuch

a longtime,tomeI barely

evennoticedthingslikethat.

‘Looksdon’tmatter,’I told

mypals.

Fromthat

firstnight,we

wereinseparable.

Ianseemedto

movehimselfinto

myflatwithout

reallyasking,

butI likedhim

beingaround.

Atfirst,things

seemedperfectbetweenus.

Hecouldn’tdoenough

forme,surprisingmewith

flowers,orpickingupbitsfrom

theshopsoI didn’thaveto.

I begantothinkwemight

havea futuretogether.

Butaftera fewshortweeks,

thingsstartedtochange.

Ianbecamejealous

andclingy.

Hestartedfollowingme

around.EverywhereI went,

Ianwenttoo.

It workedbothways,though.

Whenhewentwiththe

lads,heinsistedI’dgoalong,

too.Whichseemedflattering.

ButI soonrealisedit was

becausehedidn’ttrustme.

Paranoid,he’daccusemeof

lookingat othermen.I started

tothinkthatheviewedmeas

hisproperty.

Once,I nippedouttothe

shops– and,tomysurprise,

heletmegoonmyown.

ButwhenI gothome,

I wasinfora bigshock.

‘I’veseenall

themenonyour

Facebookaccount,’

Ianshouted,

holdingmytablet.

‘Whatareyou

talkingabout?’

I said,confused.

Yes,I hadmale

friends,butI never

hadanythinggoing

onwithanyof them.

‘Don’tworry.I’vesentthem

allmessagestellingthem

nevertocontactyouagain.

Youhavea boyfriendnow,’

hesaidmenacingly.

I wasmortified.

Whatwillmyfriendsthink?

ButIandidn’tcare.Hejust

keptgettinghimselfmoreand

moreworkedup.

Therageinhiseyeswas

scaryashescreamedin

myface,accusingmeof

beingunfaithful.

ButthemoreI toldhim

I wasinnocent,theangrier

hegot,untilI wassobbing

infear.

Yetanhourorsolater,

whenhe’dcalmeddown,he

apologisedandbeggedmeto

forgivehim.

‘I’mjustreallyinsecure,’he

explained.‘I’vebeencheated

onbefore,andI couldn’tstand

it if youleftme.I’msosorry,

I justgetreallyparanoid.’

It wasn’tthegreatestexcuse

butI decidedtoleaveit at that.

Butasthedayswent

on,thingsjustgotworse

andIanbecamemoreand

moreintense.

Inoneof histempers,Ian

smashedhisownphone,sohe

hadtouseminefora while.

Thenmyphonestarted

ringingwithhisfriend’s

numbersandheexploded.

‘Whythehellis hecalling

you?’hedemanded.

‘Butthey’reyourfriends.

They’reusingmynumber

tocallyou,’I explained

patientlytohim.

‘You’relying.You’re

sleepingwithother

men,’hespat.

BeforeI knewit,

hewasscreaming

andshouting.

Heevenpunched

a holeinoneof the

doorsinmyflat.

Terrified,I sat

curleduponthebed,

tearsstreamingdown

myface.

I didn’tdaremove

incaseI angeredIan

evenmore.

Afterwards,it was

thesameexcuses...

Thathewasn’tgoodat

controllinghistemper,

thathispasthadmade

above his