marieclaire.com.au 63PHOTOGRAPHY BY GETTY IMAGES. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED
from another planet or era; as if I were miss-
ing some large piece of the puzzle that would
help me to identify with myself.
Receiving a diagnosis helped me form
my identity and develop self-esteem. It forced
me to come to terms with and accept my past
and current experiences. It ofered an
explanation for feeling diferent. It gave me
an “appropriate” label – neurodivergent –
which nullified my internal thoughts that I
was stupid and a freak.
I can and do sincerely empathise with
people. I can also discuss my feelings if I feel
I need to in order to be understood. But I find
it dicult to appropriately start and end
social engagements, as timing and relevance
is often an issue. I’ve had to teach myself to
be assertive, charming and charismatic.
People with autism tend to struggle to
maintain deep, connected relationships. I’m
terrible at staying in contact with family and
friends; I never remember dates or events
that are important to them, such as birth-
days. This may come across as trivial, but it
causes me significant stress and confusion.
It can be isolating and lonely because, in spite
of my autism, I deeply yearn for real relation-
ships – everybody needs to love and be loved.
My last romantic relationship was seven
years ago; I became emotionally unstable
because of how deep my feelings ran, and it
broke apart as a result.
Being autistic does not make me better
or worse than anyone else, it just makes me
neurodivergent. Many of the struggles that
come with autism are only so because society
is geared towards neurotypical behaviours. If
people could be less judgemental and more
accommodating, and realise that limitations
are natural, then the perceived autistic
“problems” would be normalised and less
burdensome to those who experience them,
as well as less noticeable to others.“If people could be less
judgemental and more
accommodating, and realise that
limitations are natural, then the
perceived autistic ‘problems’
would be normalised”
BELLA NOLAN*, 29,
PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTFOR MORE
INFORMATION- ADDults with ADHD
is an organisation
dedicated to improving
the lives of adults
dealing with ADHD in
themselves, their
family, their friends and
their clients.
adultadhd.org.au - SANE Australia has
information about mental
illness, its treatments and
where to go for support.
sane.org - Autism Spectrum
Australia (ASPECT) is
the largest service
provider for people on
the autism spectrum in
Australia, providing
information, diagnostic
assessments and support.
autismspectrum.org.au
LIVING^ WITH AU
TI
SMM
ost of my autistic signs are
invisible. I spent 26 years of
my life – that is, until I was
diagnosed – hiding them, in-
ternalising my emotions and pretending to
be countless separate personalities and iden-
tities so others would accept and not judge
me. After years of obsessively observing and
mimicking the behaviour of my peers, family
and characters in films, I became an expert
at it. Now I pass for “normal” quite easily.
When I was young, I presented very few
signs of autism other than not appearing in-
terested in interacting with children my age,
and being shy, anxious, serious and emotion-
ally immature. I struggled with maintaining
eye contact; I’d look at foreheads instead.
However, I understood this to be rude, so
I learnt to hold eye contact when talking to
people. Today it’s no longer a struggle, but it
still doesn’t feel natural.
In my opinion, many healthcare profes-
sionals view autism as a disorder comprised
of a narrowly defined set of characteristics or
symptoms, and seem unaware of the fact that
there are autistic subtypes and endless
variations in the traits autistic individuals
present. This particularly pertains to many
women on the spectrum, because of our
proficient social-adaptive ability.
Tania A. Marshall, an Australian-
based psychologist and the author of I Am
Aspien Girl: The Unique Characteristics,
Traits and Gifts of Females on the Autism
Spectrum, formally diagnosed me in 2014. I
had consulted many medical professionals,
none of whom picked up my being autistic.
However, I always knew I was diferent – as ifREAL LIFE