LOL
Send your favourite funnies to: LOL, Street Machine, Locked Bag 12,
Oakleigh, Vic 3166 or email them to: [email protected].PASSING THE BATON
A NEW father is sitting down with his
own father for a drink. His dad tells him:
“Now that you’re a father yourself, it’s
time I give you something.”
The new father replies: “Dad, you’re not
talking about –”
His father interrupts: “Yes. It’s time.”
With this, he hands his son a copy of
1000 Dad Jokes, 6th Edition.
The new father is overcome with
emotion. With a tear in his eye, he says:
“Dad, I’m honoured.”
His father replies: “Hi Honoured,
I’m Dad.”
Dadge Oaks, email
GAG OF THE MONTH
Don’t stay in bed, unless you
can make money in bed- George Burns
THOUGHT OF THE MONTH
’cause he sure as heck can’t wear glasses!”
I Ware-Forlzov, emailIT’S HOW YOU TELL ’EM
A NEW jail warden is being shown through
the jailhouse by the old warden. After making
rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the
cafeteria. In one corner, the new warden notices
a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.
Interested, he watches them while the older
warden gets his food. One of the men shouts
out: “63!”, and the entire table bursts out
laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by
their behaviour. Another yells out: “74!”, and
again a chorus of guffaws rings out.
The old warden comes back to the table
where the new warden sits. “What are those
elderly men doing?” the new warden asks him.
The old warden smirks and says: “Oh, those
are the lifers. They’ve been in here so long,
they’ve heard all the jokes, so now they just
number them!”
Just then, another man yells out: “14!”
Nobody laughs.
The new warden leans over and asks: “Why
did no one laugh at that one?”
The old warden replies: “Some people just
can’t tell a joke.”
Shirley Yoojest, emailPECKISH
A HORSE walks into a bar.
The bartender says: “Hey!”
The horse replies: “You read my mind, buddy.”
A Bales, emailMASQUERADE
A COUPLE was invited to a swanky masked
Halloween party. But on the night, the wife got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party alone. He, being a devoted husband,
protested, but the wife said there was no sense
in both of them not having a good time, and
insisted he go. So he put on his costume and
FUNNY FOTONNY FOTO Apparently patience isn’t its only virtue.Apparently patience isn’t its only virtue.
SPECIAL DELIVERY
THE new CEO of a company comes into work
determined to improve productivity and turn
things around. Trying to prove himself to his
new employees, he looks around the office and
sees a guy leaning against a wall doing nothing.
He approaches the guy and asks him: “What do
you think you’re doing?”
“I’m just killing time, waiting to get paid,” the
man replies.
The CEO is furious. “What do you make a
week?” he demands.
The man tells him: “About $200 a week.”
The CEO pulls out his wallet, hands the man
$400 and says: “There’s your two weeks, now
get out of here!”
After the man leaves, the CEO turns to his
employees and asks: “What do you all think
about that?”
One of the employees stands up and replies:
“I think he just got the largest tip he’s ever had
on a single pizza.”
Rich Driver, email
JUST AS WELL
LITTLE Johnny’s next-door neighbour had a
baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born
with no ears. When they arrived home from the
hospital, the parents invited Johnny’s family to
come over and see the new arrival.
At the neighbour’s home, little Johnny leaned
over the crib and touched the baby’s hand.
He looked at its mother and said: “Oh, what a
beautiful little baby!”
The mother replied: “Thank you very much,
Johnny.”
Then little Johnny said: “Just look at his pretty
little eyes. Did the doctor say he can see well?”
“Why, yes,” the mother replied, “the doctor
said he has 20/20 vision.”
Little Johnny said: “Well, it’s a darn good thing,
mask and away he went.
The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.
After sleeping soundly for about an hour, she
awakened to find her headache had gone. So,
as it was still early, she decided to go to the
party. She knew her husband had never seen
her costume, so she thought she would have
some fun by watching to see how he acted when
he thought she wasn’t around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her
husband cavorting around on the dance floor,
dancing with every beautiful girl he could,
stealing kisses here and there. His wife went
up to him, and, being a rather seductive lady
herself, the husband immediately left the girl he
was with high and dry and devoted his time to
this new woman.
After a while, he whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to
one of the cars, had a good time, and then went
back to the party.
Just before unmasking at midnight, the wife
slipped away and went home. She put the
costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for
his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came
home. “How was the party, dear? Did you
dance much?” she asked him.
“Actually, I never danced at all,” the husband
replied. “When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and
some other guys, so we went into the games
room and played poker all evening. But you’re
not going to believe what happened to the guy
I loaned my costume to!”
Iggot Luckie, email