L
IFE is full of small pleasures, like
the sight of an HQ-WB Holden
One Tonner in early-morning traffic.
Aluminium tray loaded up with tools,
riding on a set of Sunraysia rims and almost
always on gas; the dashpad jammed with job
books, receipts and copies of The Picture;
banged up but not beaten, and still earning
an honest living, long after Holden first
gave up on the One Tonner concept in ’84,
revived it in 2003, and axed it again in 2005.
While I get a smile out of seeing these old
workhorses out and about, no doubt most of
the guys driving them for work would prefer
to be in a new Thai-built 4x4 cab-chassis
if they had the chance – those ubiquitoustrucks ain’t perfect, but they’re hard to beat
for economy, comfort and pulling power.
Nevertheless, Holden One Tonners have
started popping up in my musings about
future projects. While I’ve always had a
soft spot for the old girls, I’ve never actively
considered owning one, but now they’re
right at the top of my ‘most searched’ pile.
The imaginary project car game is a
useful one when funds are scarce. Besides
providing entertainment, it’s useful for
planning and researching for when the
moment to actually get something done
arrives. For mine, the sweet spot where
dreams turn to reality arrives when three
crucial factors collide: need, opportunity
and desire.
In terms of need, a commercial vehicle
would be a damn useful addition to the fleet.
My work week is often punctuated by trips
to pick up parts, pull trailers or drag gear
around. We’re hiring and borrowing utes like
nobody’s business, and, while the Chev C
we share with Unique Cars does its fair share
of yakka, it needs some TLC before we ask
it to do the real heavy lifting. Plus, the C
is actually a nice thing under its carbonfibre
wrap – too nice for serious abuse.
So a Tonner would be handy for work – and
would be exempt from my long-standing rule
to never leave a chrome-bumper car out in
the elements. A good thing too, as I’m out
of undercover car space at home – I’m sure
many of you can relate.
That covers the functional side of the
purchase, so how about opportunity? In
other words, can I afford it? As I’ve discussed
in this column before, I’d sorely like to add a
70s Aussie V8 to the collection; somethingwith more space, comfort and grunt than
my faithful EJ can offer. However, the asking
prices for these cars have climbed in the
time I’ve been fart-arsing around. Except,
it seems, for One Tonners. While they can
be good enough to win Summernats Grand
Champion and Street Machine Of The Year
titles, affordable – and fixable – Tonners still
pop up for sale regularly. Sure, they are all
going to be shagged out to varying degrees,
but I reckon I can find something workable
within my budget.
Of course, more powerful than need and
opportunity is desire. A VY-VZ or even a BA
Falcon tonner would be way more practical,
comfortable and ultimately cheaper, but Idon’t have the desire to own one of them.
What would make my heart skip a beat
when I open the front door in the morning
is a classic One Tonner, preferably with a
253 with a twin system that will annoy the
neighbours when I warm it up on early winter
mornings. Why a 253? Because I’ve never
had one; simple as that.
My ambitions for my thong-slapping
Tonner are modest. Inside, I’d like a bench
seat and column-shift Trimatic for three-
person practicality. I’d also like a tape player,
a waterproof cabin and a working heater for
Melbourne winters. And, if I get really keen,
air conditioning.
On the outside, I reckon I’d work with
whatever the previous custodian left for
me, but I’d love a set of Hotwire mags or –
believe it or not – tradie-spec Sunraysias.
And unless something more flash came up
at the right price, I’d probably stick with an
aluminium tray – with an Esky mounted in or
under it. And that would do me (for phase
one of the project anyway). Something that
will get me to work Monday to Friday, carry
a ton of junk around, and be ready for an
outback road trip at a moment’s notice.
As a DIY budget project, I reckon a One
Tonner is a pretty good candidate. On the
other hand, I also admire Glenn Torrens’s
VX LS1 Berlina wagon build – see Blowing
Gaskets, page 140. It may not be a chrome-
bumper classic, but it shows what you can
do with a bit of know-how and almost no
bucks. After a bit of work, Glenn’s got a
super-practical wagon that feels like you
could road trip it to the moon and back. Is
our sport unaffordable? Only if you don’t use
your imagination. sTELFO
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