marieclaire.com.au 57EMOTIONALO
n February 12, 1993, Denise
Fergus, nee Bulger, made
a decision that has haunted
her for more than 25 years- heading to her local
shopping centre, she left her nearly
three-year-old son James’ pram at home.
Later that afternoon at the butcher’s
counter, the young mum was forced to let
go of her toddler’s hand to pay for the
lamb chops the family planned to eat for
dinner. And that was the last time she
would ever see her son, who she likes to
remember as “real and fizzing with life”
instead of as a little boy whose name is
forever entwined with those of the 10-year-
olds who abducted and murdered him:
Jon Venables and Robert Thompson.
In a UK trial that made international
headlines, the two boys were found guilty
of torturing and tormenting Jamie over
a 4km walk before arriving at a railway line
where he succumbed to his multiple inju-
ries. They then arranged Jamie’s body on
the tracks, hoping a hit from a train would
cover up their role in his death. Pathologist
Dr Alan Williams later said the toddler’s
injuries were so numerous – 42 in total – it
was impossible to discern the fatal blow.
Venables and Thompson served just
eight years behind bars for the crime.
Upon their release they were granted new
identities, meaning they could then start
new lives without the public knowing who- or where – they were. It was a sentence
that enraged both the Bulger family and
the wider community and forced Denise
into a lifelong battle with Britain’s judicial
system over many issues, including the
toughening of sentencing of minors.
“It dawned on me that Thompson and
Venables would mess up this chance at
freedom; that this wasn’t the end of the
fight because they would do something
wrong and the process would start all over
again,” Denise writes in her memoir, I Let
Him Go. She was proven right, as Venables
has twice reofended and is now back in jail.
In an exclusive extract from her book,
for the first time Denise reveals the toll
James’ death has taken on her family – and
why she wants her little boy remembered
for the cheeky, happy child he was, not for
the grisly way he died.DENISE’S STORY
When I gave birth to my baby boy, I was
full of hopes and dreams for him. But
the one thing I didn’t ever imagine was
burying my son’s tiny body after his
murder. People often ask me if I blame
myself for what happened that day – for
taking my eyes of him for that split sec-
ond. For letting go of his hand as I
looked for my purse. They ask if I blame
myself for not seeing what the CCTV
footage later showed: Venables and
Thompson beckoning James away from
my side and out of the shop at 3.39pm.
The answer is: of course I do.
There aren’t the words to describe how I
still feel now, every day. I was the one
who let go of his hand; I was the
one who was supposed to protect him.It’s been 25 years since Denise Fergus lost sight of her two-year-
old son, James Bulger, in a crowded shopping centre. It took
mere seconds for two 10-year-old boys to lure him away to a
brutal death. This is how Denise has endured a lifetime of griefI still
blame
myself