March• 2018 | 123window. Sometimes she hallucinated
and had creepy, involved dreams. She
would scream in her sleep, and Jim
had to shake her awake.
She felt like she was working at half-
speed. “I can’t just open my closet in
the morning and put together what
to wear. I lay things out the night be-
fore or start earlier in the morning.
One thing I concentrate on is looking
orderly. I don’t want to look old and
crazy. In a heartbeat, I know, I could
look disorderly.”
Food also mattered less to her.
She never liked grocery shopping.
She liked it even less now. “One big
symptom is the inability to cook and
assemble,” she said. “Now I’m happy
with a plain sandwich, or I’m buyingpre-cooked chicken.”
She had trouble keeping up in a
conversation. “When I’m talking to
friends, I’ll prepare,” she said. “Do
some research. Like make sure to ask
about the latest granddaughter. Which
I forgot to do the other morning. Or to
ask about the husband, making sure
there is a husband.”
One thing nagging at her was find-
ing purpose in her life, a purpose to
replace her career. She’d loved her
work. She never wanted to simply
walk the sidelines.
Photography had been a sideline
for 30 years, but now she could really
devote time to it. Birds were her avid
interest. She put her best photos on
cards and gave them as gifts.Her relationship with Jim is better than ever since learning she has Alzheimer’sPHOTO: MICHAEL KIRBY SMITH FOR
THE
NEW YORK TIMES