34 | March• 2018
ESTHER THE PIG
two weeks, we christened her. We
wanted to evoke a wise old soul. The
name Esther felt right.AS SOON AS THEveterinarian saw
Esther, he shot me a bemused look.
“What do you know about this pig?”
he asked. I gave him the story, or at
least the one I’d been told.
“I already see a problem. Look at
her tail. It’s been docked,” he said.
“Is that why it’s a little nub?” I
asked.
“Exactly,” he said. “When you havea commercial pig – a full‐size pig –
the owners will generally have the
pig’s tail cut back. This minimises
tail biting, which occurs when pigs
are kept deprived in factory farm
environments. If Esther really is six
months old, she could be a runt. If
that’s the case, when fully grown, she
could be about 30 kilograms.”
“OK,” I said. No news there.
“But if she’s a commercial pig and
nota runt – well, I guess we’ll cross
that bridge when we get to it.”
The vet explained that the only way
to know anything for sure would be to
weigh and measure Esther and start
a chart. Pigs have a very specific rate
of growth.selves when faced with the pig. The
dogs are excitable around baby an-
imals and children, so they whined
and jumped. I held on to the pig se-
curely and let them sniff her a little be-
fore I hid her in the office. I thought I’d
better get Derek in a good mood be-
fore springing the new arrival on him.
WHEN I LED HIMto the office and
revealed my surprise, Derek stood in
the doorway like a statue. Every emo-
tion other than happiness flashed
across his face. It didn’t take more
than half a second for him to know
what I had done and what I wished
to do next.
He was furious. He ranted about
how irresponsible I was. He insisted
there was no more room in the
house. The only positive thing I could
say was, “She’s a mini pig! She’ll stay
small!”
I knew that what I’d done was
wrong, but I hoped I could smooth
things over. Soon enough, the lova-
bly adorable pig did the smoothing
for me. One night we were having
dinner, and Derek started talking
about where the pig’s litter and pen
would go. You don’t “build a pen” for
someone you’re getting rid of. Within
He was furious.TheonlypositivethingIcould
say was, “She’s a mini pig! She’ll stay small!”