80
Ask me
anything
Q
My son, 20, suffers from a mental
illness which is becoming worse.
However, he doesn’t think there’s
anything wrong with him. I’m a single
mum and he lives with me. All day long
he shouts at me and I’m scared of
upsetting him. I find myself escaping
the house for long periods just to avoid
him, or I spend a lot of time in my
bedroom, like a prisoner in my own
home. He was such a lovely boy until
he was about 15 or so. He’s been for
counselling but it hasn’t helped and
now the doctors say there’s nothing
that can be done unless he admits
there’s a problem and gets more help.
I’ve been told to ask him to modify his
behaviour, or ask him to move out, but
I’m scared to do either of those things.
“Wits’end”, AldingaBeach,SA
Living in fear in your own home is
unacceptable. You have to try and take
control, and I understand how scary it
may be, but you do him no favours for
letting him continue his bad behaviour.
Keep the lines of communication open
with him; be clear about what you
expect and how importantyourlife is
as well as his. He’s not a teenager any
more so tell him you want some respect
if he is to live under your roof. I hope
you have other strong family members
who are willing to help.
Q
Several years ago, my mother
became involved in internet dating,
obsessing over a British man who later
transpired to be a scammer. Thankfully
we all stepped in before she packed up
with her money. But two years ago, we
started hearing about another man
called Fadil who she met on holiday in
Fiji. She’s been to visit this man
a couple of times, travelling from our
rural town to Sydney, often for weeks
at a time. She tells us the bloke’s
a multimillionaire, owns a company in
the US, picks her up from the bus stop
in a limo... the stories get more and
more elaborate. I’m not sure whether
she’s making it all up or if she’s being
scammed again, but when I express
my concerns she gets angry and
clams up. I’m worried for her safety...
and her mental health. She’s 82!
“Soworried”,Armadale,WA
I was loath to suggest you get
involved in your mother’s life – until
you said she was 82! OMG! She’s
a go-getter! I understand how you
may worry about her being scammed.
Is there any evidence of dementia?
Have you talked to her doctor?
I hope there’s a way you can discuss
her finances in order to protect her,
but she may get defensive so you have
to be gentle. Does she have any
friends or confidantes who perhaps
get to hear the full story. At the end
of the day it’s her life and you must
letherliveitaslongasshe’ssafe.Q
I’ve had a chronic and rather
embarrassing illness for the last
10 years. I used to have a job and
a normal married life. I was sociable
and outgoing but then the stress of
living with my problem became too
much and I gave my job up. Now I feel
like my world has shrunk. I’ve gained
weight and pick fights with my poor
husband. I’m worried he’ll leave me.
Our kids treat me with kid gloves. We
have two dogs that annoy me. I’mexhausted all the time. I’m having
an operation soon and I’m terrified.
I know that eating well and exercise is
supposed to help me but I’m not sure
I can be bothered as I’m feeling so low.
What should I do?
“Exhausted”,Newcastle,NSW
Not knowing what condition you have
makesit hard to advise but given you
are having surgery I assume that will
be corrective. That’s good and means
you’re dealing with it. When you feel so
exhausted it’s hard to get motivated to
exercise but I can only implore you to
try and push through. Your doctor must
have advice for you, so please talk and
get the emotional help you need. Be
upfront with the family and tell them
how you’re feeling. Don’t try to face
this all alone. I’m sure they’ll be more
sensitive if you open up to them.Got a burning question or just seeking a second
opinion? Our favourite straight-shooting star
KERRI-ANNE KENNERLEY offers up her advice
Got a question for Kerri-Anne?
Email us at yours@bauer-media.
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Me Anything, GPO Box 4088,
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