24 DECEMBER | JANUARY 2018 best health besthealthmag.ca
IN THE 1995 FILM HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS,
Claudia Larson returns to her parents’ house for Thanks-
giving, where she is confronted by the wacky and difficult
realities of family. “ When you go home, do you look
around and wonder, Who are these people? and Where
did I even come from?” she asks.
According to Andrew Sofin, a licensed couples and
family therapist and psychotherapist based in Montreal,
these feelings are common. “ We create stories around
our families, especially in North America,” he says.
“We’ve created this idea about how families are supposed
to be quite homogenous entities. The idea is that your
fa m i ly shou ld ref lect who you a re, so we ta ke it persona l ly
if somebody [is] different.”
While many simply try to eat the pain away, there
are less-fattening coping mechanisms. “First andforemost, check your expectations at the door,” says
Sofin. Before attending your next holiday dinner, write
down the guest list and add two sentences next to each
name: one that says what you like about the person and
one that says what you dislike. “You’ll go into it with a dif-
ferent frame of mind,” he says. For instance, if you have
an aunt who is particularly nosy, reminding yourself that
she is also warm, welcoming and sweet will help you real-
ize that her inquisitiveness stems from the heart.
While there are no hard and fast rules to etiquette,
going in with a game plan can make for a winning eve-
ning. Here, we break down the most common (ahem) dif-
ficult personalities you may share table space with this
holiday season with expert advice on how to handle any
situation with grace, dignity and compassion – or at
least make it through to dessert in one piece.There’s a reason why Hollywood makes movies about holiday gatherings gone awry:
We can all relate. Flip the script this year by arming yourself with yule fuel – strategies
for dealing with all the various players in your seasonal game of life. | by CAITLIN AGNEW
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