14 | May• 2019
MY STORY
andbymylastdayI stillhadn’t
spokentomypreviousGP.
AttheendofthatdayI approached
himand,withgreattrepidation,
askedhimif herememberedme.
I askedhimwhyhehadnottaken
better careofmeandwhyhedidn’t
checkinonmeatthe
hospital.
Hisreplywasdirect.
Hehadspreadhimself
toothin,consultingfrom
twosurgeriesthatwere
ninehours’driveapart
andhewasoutofhis
depth,medically,with
mypregnancy.Again,I
wasleftstunned.Daniel
haddiedsimplyof
neglectandignorance.
Yearslater,ata
courseformyworkasa
counsellor,thespeaker
askedwhatparents
dowiththelovetheyhavefortheir
lostchild?Instinctively,mygriefwas
piqued.Thespeakersuggestedthat
parentsfocusonwhatfeelsright.
HenryandI rememberedthejoy
wefeltseeingDaniel’snameonhis
plaque.Weknewwhattodo.
Wenowhavea beautifulphoto
oftheplaque.Daniel’snameand
birthdateissurroundedbywhite
flowers.Thisphotohasprideof
placeinourhomeamongstour
familyphotos.Afternearly 40 years
Danielhasa presence in our home
and in this world.governmenttoissuebirthcertificates
forstillbirthsfrom 20 weeks’gestation.
SANDSalsohelpeduslocateDaniel’s
grave.Welearntthathehadbeen
buried,aswasthepractice,with 12
otherbabieswithintwoweeksofhis
birth,ata cemeteryjust 40 minutes
fromwherewewere
living.It hadbeennearly
11 yearsbuta renewed
senseofdespairand
regretwashedoverme
forabandoninghim.
Ata familygathering
forDaniel’s11th
anniversaryweproudly
placeda plaqueonhis
grave.Danielfinally
becametangibletous.
Emma,Robert,Rebecca
andElisehada brother.
Daniel.Wefinallyhad
thebeginningsofa focal
pointforgrief.
DURINGTHISTIME,bysheerchance,
I beganworkingweekendsatthe
surgeryI hadattendedduringmy
pregnancywithDaniel.I promised
myselfI’dconfrontmypreviousGP– I
neededanswerstothequestionsI
hadbeentoonaïvetoaskatthetime.
Withmyattendingdoctoralsoatthe
surgery,I summonedthecourageto
askhimwhetherherememberedme.
Hisresponsewasthatstillbirthswere
likea pieceofrottenmeat.Myheart
sank,horrifiedbyhiscruelwords.
I had been there for three years
Weremembered
thejoywe
feltseeing
Daniel’sname
on his plaquePHOTO: COURTESY OF ANTOINETTE AND HENRY NOWAK