191
TORMENTED?DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT,
HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAYKNICKERS IN A TWIST
My husband enjoys wearing lingerie.
I have to say that the sex is awesome
when he’s wearing it, and at first it was
only panties. But lately he’s gotten into
bras and garter belts with stockings,
and an occasional nightie as well. How
normal is this fetish? It has gotten to the
point that he cannot perform unless he is
wearing at least a bra and panties, and
to be honest, he now has nicer things
than I do.- MRS UNMENTIONABLES
Mrs Un, honey.You ask, “How normal?”
I’m guessing the number would shock
the pants off researchers. Heck, if we
only looked at 25 years’ worth of Ask E.
Jean letters, we’d see proof that whole
herds of guys dig wearing lingerie.
What with the lovemaking being
so “crazy good”, I’m wondering
if I shouldn’t advise the scores of women
who complain to Aunty E about their
chaps’ lack of fire and gumption to “lend
‘em your panties!”
IT’S ALL COMPLIMENTARY
Next to my boyfriend (who is overweight,
balding and mopey), I look like Halle
Berry. Every chance I get, I tell him how
smart, reliable and honourable he is.
He never returns the compliment. I always
remind him how important it is to me to
hear he likes the way I look. He (finally!)
mustered, “I like your pants....”
When pushed, he added: “You look fine.”
E. Jean, frankly, I look great. He tells mehe loves me and that I’m the most
important person in his life. This is lovely
to hear, but his lack of enthusiasm is
starting to dull my desire to have sex.
I want to feel pretty and sexy!- AM I TOO DEMANDING?
Demanding: girl, please. Next time
you’re looking fatally attractive and
the dullard remains silent, perform the
Heimlich on his brain. Hand him a cheat
sheet and declare: “Darling, you’re
a super-smart guy and a lovable dolt.
You know I like hearing that you like the
way I look. So if you ever want to have sex
again, choose one from each column.”
He will stare at the sheet in sulky confusion,
so prompt him with a: “Dude! You’re not
nearly as beef-witted as your silence
suggests. Just say my name, add the word
‘you’re’, and make your selections.”
Keep copies handy for next time.
CELEBRITY HALLPASS
My boyfriend has a crush on Scarlett
Johansson, but I don’t lookanythinglike
her. I’m a brunette, have a boyish figure,
I’m kind of flat-chested, actually. When we
started dating, things were sparky,
but after a year, he says he’s stressed out
at work and doesn’t want to have sex.
We used to have sex every day! Lately it’s
once every two weeks. Is he suddenly not
attracted to me anymore? Why are we
fizzling out? Am I just not his type?- SCARLETT FEVER
Miss Scarlett, please.Of course he has
a crush on Scarlett Johansson.
ask
e jean
ADVICE:
If Scarlett Johansson and the Senate were
trapped in a burning building, everybody
would save Scarlett first. So ask yourself
one question: WWSD? What Would
Scarlett Dowith a chap who refused to
bang her? Right. Your first reaction is the
correct answer.FORK IN THE ROAD
Should I leave everything and go on
a road trip? I’m 27, with an okay job
(but no promotions or salary increases in
five years), and I’m still living with my
parents. Last year, I read Cheryl Strayed’s
Wildand started fantasising about driving
across the country on a great big
adventure. My mum quit her job at 26 to
backpack through Europe. I want to quit
my job and travel while I’m young and
single – but the risk! Wouldn’t it be smarter
to flood the market with my résumé
and focus on finding another 9-to-5
that pays better?- MY YOUTH IS SLIPPING AWAY
Slipping, my kumquat:Ha! I just returned
from a hilarious 6,000km road trip with
my dog, Lewis Carroll, and I am still
whooping it up. Cheryl Strayed’s goal in
Wildwas to come to grips with the death
of her mother and hike the Pacific Crest
Trail. What’s your quest? A road trip will
fire your brain, open your heart, calm your
spleen, force you to be flexible, help you
figure out where the hell you are going
and teach you to stop fearing “the risks” of
going there. And when you return,
you’ll have a pretty good idea of how to
mash up your interests and make a career
out of it. So – yes! – go!E
Ask a question:tweet @ejeancarroll
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Photography: Gregg Delman. Styling: Christian Stroble. Hair: Eduardo Carrasco at Ford Artists NYC. Makeup: Sylwia Rakowska at Ford Artists NYC