Smac, in yer face
SAM MACLACHLAN
IT’S NOT A STATUE
EVERYONE HAS A bike-hoarding mate. That mate has more bikes
than they can possibly ride in a year and yet seem proud of the fact
they don’t actually punt the bloody things anywhere. Bikes are cool
to look at, I get that, but is a garage ornament enjoyable to own?
Of course not.
We know the owning of an inert motorcycle isn’t as fulfilling
as using it for its intended purpose, because these bike hoarders
forever keep adding to their collections. It’s the thrill of the buy that
gives them heart-twinges – but that’s always temporary. Always. So
they buy another, and then another.
Yes, hunting for, finding and bargaining or bartering
around said machine is good fun and worthy of the
time. But to spend all that effort, just to let the thing
sit there is a travesty. Bikes should roll and bark
and spit. They make noise and burn fuel and
melt tyres and grind brake pads to dust – no
amount of polishing or saying “I own a Such
And Such Thinginmajig” at the pub will ever
meet that level of feel-good. Ride it instead.
Except for this breed of motorcycle owner,
we riders are pretty awesome at living in
the moment. There’s a real ‘mindfulness’
movement erupting at the moment, with all
sorts of How-Tos on the Internerd on achieving
‘one-ness’. We riders have been doing it for years.
We have to be present on a bike, or we get run over, or
outbrake ourselves into Turn One, or simply fall off. That
said, you’re well and truly in the moment when you fall off –
unless you’re unconscious.
Owning stuff you don’t use will never make you really smile
inside, not the way a long weekend on the road with mates and
your one and only bike will.
Small towns love us motorcyclists, because we can’t carry much
and so have to buy what we need as we go – spend your money on
riding trips, rather than a flash non-runner you may-or-probably-
won’t get going again “one day”. Ten thousand kilometres down
the road, you won’t be wishing you’d sat there polishing something
instead. Ride the things, or sell them to someone who will.
My point of view on all this was formed early. I got in the habit
of buying and selling bikes often as a young’un because I couldn’t
afford to own two at once, and six months after buying one I’d get
bored and want another. When I could afford two at once, I made
one a roadbike and the other a dirtbike and rode ’em both (not
always at the same time). Being double or triple parked in the shed
is fine, if they get used. If there’s more than a month’s worth of dust
on one – sell it and ride the others.
The one or two bikes you own don’t have to be the best in the
land to get enjoyment out of them, either. Still one of my
favourite bikes ever was my second-hand KTM 690
Duke. It was a Series One, with the bastard left-side
kickstart, no magic button, granite for a seat
and a meagre 180km fuel range. It was a prick
of a thing to own, but I learned to wheelie
and stoppie on it, crashed it at an Eastern
Creek ride day, then welded the sidestand
back on at a weird angle and didn’t care.
I took it places I shouldn’t have, let mates
ride it and I broke the brake caliper off the
swingarm, after putting the rear wheel back
in incorrectly. I loved it to bits.
But then I traded it in on a KTM 620 Super
Comp after only nine months and rode the
chooky solo around Australia. I got back and sold
that too and I honestly can’t remember what I bought
next. Rest assured I rode it mercilessly.
There’s a place for bikes that aren’t allowed to breathe –
museums. If you aren’t a curator of such a place, I suggest buying
only bikes you ride and selling the ones you don’t. They are no good
to you silent and still and boring.
There are exceptions, of course. Perhaps your licence is no
longer valid, or you physically can’t throw a leg over anymore. Then
yeah, I get it. When I finally hang up the helmet, I’ll still own a bike,
if only to point it out to the grandkids and explain what we used
to be able to do with one, then scare their pants full of excrement
at the by-then-rare noise of an internal combustion engine.
Otherwise, yeah... ride it.I couldn’t
afford to own
two at once, and
six months after
buying one I’d get
bored and want
another