Gautam gave her a few practical alternatives
which she could use by way of explanation, in
case anybody questioned her on her lay off.
Says Gautam, “I have realised that silences
are as important as words in conversations.
The second realisation is that whether it is
professional spaces or personal relationships,
it is important to call out the feelings or
behaviour at play. Once this happens, to
a large extent, it goes away. Else, if left
unsaid, it bottles up, leads to frustration and
ferments into something far more unhealthy.
So, acknowledging and calling out feelings
authentically always helps.”
Be aware of your own self
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure
you seek,” says Joseph Campbell.
Most of us grapple with three identity
related questions: Am I competent? Am I a
good person? Am I worthy of love? A difficult
conversation triggers one or all of these
concerns in a person.
Internally, our identity dialogue is in full
swing: “Maybe, I am mediocre,” “How can
I be the kind of person who causes others
pain?” or “My brother’s right. No woman
has ever loved me.” In each case, difficult
conversations seem to point towards these
internal insecurities that make us overreact.
And while you cannot do much about the
other person’s insecurities, you would do
well to know your own, so that you don’t get
needlessly triggered during a conversation.
Remember that nobody wants a spoiled
relationship, and each one of us is simply
trying to communicate what the other could
have done to save the relationship. Since
we are rarely present to what others are
actually trying to say, we distort the reality
and get filled with anger on hearing our
shortcomings.
Let go of the outcome
The purpose of a difficult conversation is
to understand others and get your point
across. It is not about getting a favourable
outcome from the exercise. The other is
in no way obligated to understand you.
Therefore, be content that you were able
to communicate your opinion or feeling
related to a situation. The other person
may take his own time to understand the
matter from your point of view, or even take
accountability for his thoughtlessness or
touchiness.Imbibe the ‘And’
Imbibing the ‘and’ is a useful tool for handling
difficult conversations, including when one
has to give bad news. For example, I am sorry
that I cannot take you on this project and I
understand that it may make you feel let
down and hurt, but I cannot compromise on
the output quality and this may make you
feel angry; yet, it’s constructive feedback
to you to get that long pending certification
and upgrade your skills... so on. Imbibing the
‘and’ helps you to express both parts of the
stories.
The art of handling difficult conversations
needs practice, self-belief, and readiness to
make mistakes. The more we sow and nourish
this ability, the more we reap. While difficult
conversations challenge and push us, they
give us huge opportunities: To fix what is
problematic, to discover more strength in
ourselves, to live the values of dignity, respect,
and authenticity, to increase our influence, to
clear the air, and to live more fulfilling lives.
Only that which can be talked about
threadbare can be transcended, tamed, and
exorcised.To read these articles online and post your
comments, go to http://www.lifepositive.com/
Magazine/February 2018. We welcome your
comments and suggestions on this article. Mail us
at [email protected]Relationships^81