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đ Soothing self-talkSELF-CARE CHECKLIST:DECISION-MAKING
Surely change is an easier and happier
process when we have some control and
choice in the matter, right? Actually,
having to make a decision to change –
or not to change – can be the biggest
problem of all.
Crouch says it’s incredibly common
for people to struggle to leave a
relationship or job that’s not working,
even when they’ve been seriously
unhappy for many months or years.
“They don’t want to start again when
they don’t know if the next thing
will be any better,” she says. “People
get stuck, wondering if they are the
problem: Maybe I’m too idealistic.
Maybe I shouldn’t be this sad or
angry. Maybe if I change, things will
get better.”
It’s the little things, too: even
seemingly simple, everyday decisions
can send us into a cold sweat. Stress
hormones can hijack the decision-
making process in the blink of an
eye, says Dr Fraser. “When we’re
trying to decide and we get physicalreactions, like fluttering in the
stomach, it’s the fight-or-flight
reaction of the nervous system,”
he says. “We can suddenly find
ourselves in a hyper-aroused state
in which we make less rational
decisions, or in an avoidant state in
which we can’t decide at all.”SITTING WITH DISCOMFORT
Before you ditch your partner, quit
your job and buy seven of the same
t-shirt plus that set of Monday to
Sunday underwear you’ve had your
indecisive eye on, try sitting with your
discomfort and seeing what it’s telling
you, other than to fight or run.
For many decisions, you will feel
considerable emotional discomfort.
The key is to sit with it. “Emotional
discomfort is a normal and natural
reaction to stress, such as when we have a
difficult decision to make,” says Dr Fraser.
“We want to feel good all the time, but it’s
just not possible. So, rather than thinking
you shouldn’t be feeling bad, remind
yourself that it’s really normal.”