You’re a member of Oprah Winfrey’s
Super Soul 100, a group of people who
Oprah defines as uniquely connecting
the world through spiritual energy.
What was it like being welcomed into
Oprah’s inner circle?
Any day you have brunch with Oprah and
Stedman is a very fine day. Oprah is one of
my heroines, my respect for her runs deep.
In person, she’s warm, focused and truly
lovely. It’s only been a blessing to be part
of the Super Soul 100.
You talk about boundaries for spiritual
people. Can you tell us what these
boundaries are?
A lot of women have crappy boundaries
because we think it’s ‘more spiritual’ to
be more tolerant. We become overly
tolerant, foolishly compassionate and
insanely loyal. Having healthy boundaries
is all about self-love and respect. You say
yes when you mean yes, and no when you
mean no. Why? Because you love yourself,
that’s why.
You talk about the human desire to
feel special, and when combined with
spirituality, it results in a thing that you
call ‘spiritual glamour’. Tell us more
about that...
Spiritual glamour is about using your
spirituality as a way to get special
treatment. It’s like you’re adding stuff to
your esoteric resumé ... you’re more in
touch with angels, your spirit guides, your
tarot deck than the rest of us. Except,
we’re all on our own journey. But you know,
even a bit of New Age douchery is part of
learning to be more loving and wise. We all
get there in our own way.
Your new book White Hot Truth was
recently released. What can we expect
from the book? What are the core
messages and teachings?
We’re doing so many good things to
develop ourselves – but maybe we’re
trying to get better for unhealthy reasons.
White Hot Truth is right on time for those
of us who came of age in the New Age,
or are about to, helping us see when
we’re bypassing our feelings, or falling
for well-branded dogma. This is a call to
be as discerning as we are loving, and to
finally realise that the best self-help is self-
compassion. I’m wondering if our self-help
has become self-criticism. And you know,
it’s not how we seek spiritual growth; it’s
why we seek it.In the book, you state that spiritual
passion can be punishing when it comes
from the hollowness of our psyche,
rather than the fullness of our spirit.
Can you explain this in more detail?
We’re doing so many good and balanced
things to grow and develop ourselves –
we are rocking it in so many ways. But
maybe we’re trying to get better for
some unhealthy reasons. We’ve got to
seek for ourselves, not only to get cosmic
points or just for good karma. The drive
to know more and to be a better person
has to come from our deepest heart and
confidence, not to look good to the people
whose opinions we think matter more than
our own.You talk about ‘spiritual bypassing’.
What is it and how can we identify it in
others and ourselves?
Psychologist John Welwood coined the
term ‘spiritual bypassing’. It’s a brilliant
observation that so many of us are using
our spirituality to avoid the dark parts
of ourselves and our lives – we all do it
at some stage. The trick is to snap out
of it and look at the ugly, beautiful, wise
and weird parts of being human. The not
so angelic and holistic bits, and not so
ironically, that’s where the real growth
happens; that’s the self-compassion that
breaks us open to our power to love
and create.What’s your advice for ‘keeping it real
on our spiritual path’?
Love yourself like
it’s your job. Like
your life depends
on how much you
respect yourself –
because it does.What’s one
thing that
all women
should know?
Themselves.JOIN THE
HOLISTIC
HEALTH
COMMUNITY.
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