128 COSMOPOLITAN.com.au TO SUBSCRIBE CALL 136 116
1
Terry is drinking the Personal
Trainer Kool-Aid after leaving
his city accounting job. He
loves his new career path. Simply can’t
get enough of it. His girlfriend, Anne, is
really happy for Terry. But she’s not into
working out and would rather spend her
weekends knocking back cab savs. They
each stick to what they like and suddenly
never see each other.OR
2
Anne tells Terry she hardly
sees him anymore as his new
schedule means he’s working
most weekends. She misses her cab sav
drinking buddy and wants him back. But
Terry can’t quite understand why Anne
doesn’t support his new and excitingcareer move. After all, he has such a
healthy lifestyle now! It only succeeds in
pushing him further into it.Neither of these options are ideal,
because almost instantly you feel a total
disconnect from each other. While the
first option avoids confrontation, Option
Two is what generally ends up happening.
Both have disastrous effects, with clear
break-up undertones. Sure, Option One
allows you to remain Crazy-Sexy-Cool
Girlfriend, but it also sees you lose your
man. Option Two brings out I-Know-
Better Girlfriend, but also creates major
hostility – and eventually sees you lose
him. So are there no winners then? Not
exactly, says Aiken – there is a middle
ground. The key? Your approach right
at the beginning.T
here’s a universally acknowledged truth
of relationship law: no matter how well
you think your relationship is going and
how well you think you know your guy,
something will come along and f*ck up
your happy boy-girl equilibrium.
Eff-ups usually come in the guise
of a major curve ball that’s thrown at you
with zero warning. But what happens
when the eff-up is his Life Dream? Like
going back to uni to study astronomy. Or
finally bagging the promotion that he’s
been working so hard towards for the
past five years, which as a result has now
put on hold your big trip to Europe.
Of course, you’ll be the supportive,
positive girlfriend that you naturally
are, right? But here’s the real kicker: his
Life Dream is effing up your dream, too.
Whether that aspiration is buying a home
together, or going to live in Europe for
a couple of years together, you’d made the
somewhat naive assumption that your
relationship would always involve both
of you being open to compromise. Until
it wasn’t. And now it seems you’re the
only one who’s taking the hit for his big,
shiny career reboot.
Cosmo asked psychologist and
RSVP’s relationship expert John Aiken
how to deal with such a sucky situation
without crushing his ambition... or
yours, for that matter.HOW TO DEAL
When you’re involved in a committed
relationship, you’re meant to base your
decisions around what will be best for
you as a couple going forward. You’re
also supposed to make decisions that are
going to be good for the two of you and
your future life together.
So what happens when you find
yourself being less than thrilled about
his Grand Plan? And what does it mean
for your relationship when you just can’t
shake the feeling that you’re not being
factored in to his decisions? Or, even
worse, his future.
“All of a sudden, the couple goals
you had moving forwards as a team have
changed, so the future becomes unclear
and you start to fight because you don’t
know which way you’re going anymore,”
says Aiken. This tends to happen in one
of the following two ways: