...TO GAMBLING
When you love
him but he
plays the odds.“Nick was my hero.
He was this hot, manly man
with big, broad shoulders.
When I first met him in my
apartment building, I felt like
he was rescuing me. Hell yes,
I needed to be rescued then.
I was 21, living on my own,
and struggling to finish up
with school. I knew on our
first date that he was ‘The
One’. He was my protector.
I could come home and put
on my fuzzy slippers and be
comfortable with him.
In the early days of our
relationship, Nick’s sister
told me that he used to play
pokies at the pub... to the
point where she and his mum
were concerned about him.
I just said, ‘Really?’ I didn’t
think anything of it.
After a few years of
dating, we got married and
then we had a baby. There’s
a pattern of little things that
I can recognise now, but I
didn’t see them at the time.
Sometimes he would go to
the newsagency and spend
$100 on scratchies in one go.
I thought it was a waste but
we were both working, so I
figured, it’s his money.
Another time, he got a
big bonus from work, but the
cheque never came through.
Weeks later, he came clean:
‘Honey, I bought a bunch
of tickets, and it got away
from me.’ He kept repeating,
‘I wanted my money back, I
wanted my money back.’ Of
course I was furious. I told
him, ‘That can never happen
again.’ But I didn’t connect
it to anything bigger. Who
gets addicted to scratchies?
A few years later, I was
completely blindsided witha really serious illness. It was
a nightmare. I got so sick
during the treatment that I
looked like death on wheels,
and I ended up having to quit
my job. During that time,
Nick totally lost it.
Because of my illness,
I turned all of our finances- which I’d previously been
managing – over to Nick, and
suddenly we struggled a bit
more to pay bills. I figured
we had less money after I
left my job, so I just blamed
myself. He manipulated that
guilt really well.
About two years later
I got better and took back
control of our money, but he
had crafted his lies expertly.
On a credit card statement
I would read auto store, $350
but I didn’t know that he was
swiping the card and taking
an extra $50 cash for himself.
He was the absolute king of
cash-back. We maxed out
multiple credit cards with
$10,000 limits.
I eventually busted him
when I saw that the bank
had started automatically
deducting about half of his
paycheck. As I picked up the
phone to ask them about it,
Nick finally confessed it all.
‘Kate, it was me,’ he said.
Turns out he had taken out
personal loans behind my
back, and for years he had
been going to newsagencies
and blowing thousands of
dollars every single month
on scratchies and lottery
tickets. For him, it was all
fiery, intense and addictive
instant gratification.
I packed up all his shit,
put it on the front verandah,
called his family and asked
them to come and get him.I didn’t want to see his face.
A few hours later, he came
in with his head hung and
said, ‘Well, I’m going away.’
His family had told him he
had no choice but to go to
rehab, not only for himself
but for me and our family.
He went to rehab for a
month, and I started going
to Gamblers Anonymous
meetings so I could learn
more about his addiction –
something I continued doing
for many years. I took him
back because his addiction
is really an illness. I wouldn’t
abandon him if he had cancer,
so why would I abandon him
over his gambling addiction?
People ask, ‘How could you
not see it?’ Well, because
you love them so much and
you don’t want to believe that
they’re lying to you.
I learnt to be strong
and to try not to blame him.
And Nick had to learn to
humble himself and ask for
help. That was really the
most heroic thing that he’s
ever done.” KATHLEEN, 38146 COSMOPOLITAN.com.au TO SUBSCRIBE CALL 136 116