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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JENNIFER STENGLEINFOLLOW ZOË! zotheysay.com @zotheysay @zotheysay“There’s
something to be
said for a bit of
open-mindedness
and positivity”fit and healthy, you’re super
social and remember people’s
birthdays before they even
post it on Facebook, you even
do meditation... so why
should you settle for a guy
who just works to get paid,
and watches football for the
whole weekend?
ALLY: Yes! Exactly.only in cosmo
WANNA GET
SOME
GELATO?
Fictional real conversations with Cosmo’s
long-standing relationship columnist,
Zoë Foster BlakeALLY: Oh, trust me, I know
all the reasons I’m perennially
single: there’s a man drought;
I’m too fussy; all the men my
age are married (or they’re
gay); I’m too intimidating...
ZO: Pfft. You’re about as
intimidating as a ladybug.
ALLY: Too accomplished then,
too independent. I don’t know,
something that is apparently
a turn-off to men. They can’t
handle that I’m successful in
my own right. Ooh, there’s a
gelato shop if you need some.ZO: Of course I do. By the way,
a confident man will support
his lady when she’s successful.
ALLY: You don’t know the
men I know, then.
ZO: You’re very mind-made-
uppy about all of this stuff.
You’ve got all your reasons
why no decent man will ever
present himself and, even if
he does, that he will instantly
be repelled by your career
and all-round awesomeness.
ALLY: Well. What a bitchy
thing to say.ZO: Tell me I’m wrong.
ALLY: You are wrong! You have
no idea how it feels to be out
there, single and hoping, but
finding nothing but dickheads.
You’re married with a baby
and it’s all just bliss and group
hugs for you. I’m surprised
you found time to see me with
all that joy and happiness
clogging up your schedule.
ZO: Now who’s bitchy?
ALLY: I love you honey, but
you smug marrieds do make
me a bit sick. You have all the
things I want, and I can’t see
how I will ever get there.
ZO: That’s my point! If you
can’t see how you will ever
get there, you will never get
there! It’s like you’re trying
to see the view out the window,
but refuse to lift the blind.
ALLY: Listen. I’m not into all
that manifestation shit. I’m
not writing a bloody list of
my perfect man.
ZO: I’m not asking you to
become a living, breathing
Instagram quote, but I do
think there’s something to be
said for a bit of positivity and
open-mindedness.
ALLY: Oh, I’m always positive
until I actually meet the guy
I’ve been set up with, and he
is a complete social dyslexic.
Everyone’s like, “Online dating
is the key”, but people LIE
online. One guy used a photo
of his brother as his profile
picture, and didn’t understand
why I found that offensive. I’m
genuinely starting to think it
IS me. Am I too picky?
ZO: I think the “too picky”
label often stems from women
working so hard to be fully-
rounded people that it’s kind
of disappointing when the
mate they’re trying to attract
isn’t equally well-rounded.
Take you, for example: you’re
smashing your career, you’reZO: Of course there’s a guy
out there who matches you
in these endeavours. It’s
statistically ludicrous to
suggest otherwise. The
problem is more that you’re
so focused on the lack of
guy, that that’s all you are
bringing into your life: lack.
ALLY: Go on. Say it.
ZO: What you think about,
you bring about.
ALLY: If I had a dollar...
ZO: Just try it. Change your
fixation. Don’t constantly
confirm to yourself that
there’s a problem. Instead,
believe that you deserve to
be loved by an equal. That
you are surrounded by
quality men. That you are
joyously happy and in love.
ALLY: It all just sounds so...
not me.
ZO: And how is ‘me’ working
out for you on this front?
ALLY: Fine, fine. I’ll try
being not me. It’s me that’s
the problem anyway.
ZO: And your intimidating
job and total awesomeness.
ALLY: Finally, you’re starting
to get it. #