Laura Barcella thought she’d fallen in love
with a man she’d never met IRL. But her
intense internet romance was an illusion
“Dear Laura, thanks for the
excellent, disheartening essay you wrote
on sober dating,” an articulate stranger
named Eli (not his real name) typed in
an email to me. This wasn’t the first
time a random lonely heart had reached
out about my writing. But this time was
different: I wrote back.
Within days of that first message
from Eli – whom I’d promptly Google-
stalked and happily discovered was just
gorgeous – we were emailing constantly,
sharing day-to-day minutiae (“Here’s a
sexy picture of my omelette!”) and our
darkest fears (“I’m really scared of dying
alone.”). He lived in Canada. I was basedin California. He was a few years younger,
but we had a ridiculous number of things
in common. Soon we were texting all
day. Then we added hours-long phone
calls into the mix.
Within a month, the tone of our
exchanges had changed from flirty to
outright romantic. “Marry me,” he texted
back when I mentioned my decade-long
obsession with Britney Spears. His sweet
missives became the sunny spots in my
otherwise meh existence. I probably knew
on a rational level that a romantic future
between us wasn’t likely at all – he lived
in another country, for God’s sake. But I
was more than willing to delude myself.I’d been unhappily single for six years,
but not for lack of trying. I had done it
all – internet dating, speed dating, blind
set-ups. My romantic efforts just never
seemed to take, whether they were one-
off dates or longer, three-month blips
masquerading as relationships. I wanted
this stranger who found me different.
So I pinned all my hopes on him.
The result wasn’t pretty. I began
constantly strategising, attempting to
untangle the mixed signals he’d send.
While he wrote that I was “incredibly
beautiful” and opined about our being
together one day, he also mentioned just
enough details about an ex he was “still
affectionate” with, which made my body
clench with resentment each time he’d
mention her name.
All that lovesick indignation really
bubbled to the surface... and not just
on my end. He would get jealous when I
mentioned anyone male, demanding to
know whether I’d “met someone else”.
But then he’d turn around and publiclyMY
CRAZY,
TWISTED
ONLINE
LOVE
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