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COSMOPOLITAN July 2015 149
CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING
CHEAT SHEET
When is ghosting no longer OK?
Let’s standardise the break-up systemGTFOGUYWITNESS NEWSONE DATE
Drop o the face
of the earth.
No explanation
necessary.
Smell you later.TWO DATES
Classic “this is
a crazy week
for me” text,
followed by
a slow fade.THREE
MONTHS
Polite, half-
honest phone
call... preferably
longer than
Joe Jonas’s
27-second
dumping of
Taylor Swift.SIX MONTHS
A mature conversation about
how you’re “in di erent places
right now”. (Like, you want to
be on top of another dude.)ONE YEAR
One full day of crying,
laughing and throwing
crockery, and then
deciding to stay
Facebook friends.
THREE YEARS
An entire weekend of
negotiation about why
you have to part ways,
plus a custody battle
over his T-shirts.TEN YEARS
Divorce lawyer
o’clock.WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS SAY
“CALM DOWN” DURING FIGHTS?
The two dirty little words are a frustrating fallback for
boyfriends across the nation. One man explains...
“Calm down” is a handy cop-out when
guys are feeling lazy (which is often).
As one friend said, “When I’m confused
and don’t have much to say, I just tell
her to calm down.”
But “calm down” is really all
about confl ict avoidance. We’re scared
that if you get emotional, things will
escalate from a fi ve-minute spat to a
fi ve-hour cry-fest, and we’ll have to talk
about our feelings. The fact that doing
so might clear the air or resolve issues?
Irrelevant! We’d rather bottle up ouremotions then unleash them days later
by doing something weird like yelling at
the postman. Genius, right?
Ever since our rugby coach at school
told us to “rub some dirt on the wound”
and get back in the game, we were
nudged towards a code of “strong, silent
type” machismo. So the next time he
plays the “calm down” card, remember
he’s not heartless – he just lacks your
savvy in how to deal.- Je Wilser, author of The Maxims
of Manhood
“I tell girls my dog lives with me, even
though he lives with my parents.
I look much cuter next to a puppy.”
STEVE, 25“For a fi rst date,
I take girls to
a co ee shop I ‘love’.
I secretly hate co ee,
I just don’t want to
drop cash on dinner
until the second
or third date.”
TEDDY, 25“I’ve been known to wear a sling
around my arm or medical boot on
my foot at bars. Girls seem to have
a thing for injured, vulnerable guys.”
GARRETT, 24“I masturbate every
day. When girls I’m
dating ask, I say
three times a week.
It makes me seem
less horny.”
JAY, 2675
% OF MEN COP TO
MAKING A SEX TAPE.
SCORSESEMEETS
JAMES DEEN ALERT!WORDS BY MARISSA GAINSBURG; ANNA BRESLAW. EDITED BY MICHELLE RUIZ. STATISTIC SOURCE: STATISTICBRAIN.COM 2014 STUDY. PHOTOGRAPHY BY KATERINA TSATSANI/FOLIOID.COM/POSED BY MODELS. THINKSTOCK; FILMMAGIC; GETTY IMAGES