CosmopolitanAustralia201507 .

COSMOPOLITAN July 2015 15

only in cosmo

COSMO LIFE

LESSON #

OFFICE BATHROOM ETIQUETTE

GRAFFITI CODE

A

h, the office bathroom – where

good meals go to die. And if you

don’t know the rules, you risk

committing a serious office faux

pas. So what are these rules? Well, we’ll

get to the nitty-gritty shortly. But first,

the most important toilet statute of all –

to break it is to slap social etiquette in the

face forever. Because when you gotta go,

you gotta go, and no one likes doing it in

front of anyone else. It’s like the bodily

function equivalent of trying on shapewear.

When it comes to public bathrooms, you’ve

You have to poop but the bathroom

is busier than the Boxing Day sales

Make a silencer by winding toilet paper around

your hand. Place in toilet to provide a poo pillow.

You accidentally let one rip

Do not leave the stall until you are sure

everyone else has vacated the premises. Only

then can you emerge embarrassment-free.

Your stall’s out of toilet paper

If you don’t have tissues or a receipt on

you, you can either shake it o  or use your undies

and discard (only for serious emergencies).

WHY If you must

gra ti, you may

as well be ironic.

OK OK

OK

OK

OCCUPIED OCCUPIED

OCCUPIED OCCUPIED

STALL STALL

STALL

STALL

STALL STALL STALL

STALL

STALL STALL

STALL STALL

OK OKOK

OK

NOT NOTNOT

NOT

WHY Everyone

knows it was

you, Sharon.

OKAY NOT OKAY

Do empty

bladder, reapply

makeup, sob quietly about

douchey ex-boyfriend.

Don’t gossip about

colleagues, use your

mobile phone, squat

on the seat.

GOOD TO KNOW: THE AVERAGE PERSON VISITS THE BATHROOM SIX TO EIGHT TIMES A DAY. THAT’S ALMOST 3000 TIMES A YEAR!

THE

ONLY

OPTION

SO

MUCH

CHOICE

YOUR

BEST

BET

Everybody does it. Here’s how to do it the right way

got to respect the hierarchy, especially

when it comes to pooping. You might

have to drop the kids off at the pool,

but if someone else is already in the

stalls sitting there all quiet-like, you

can bet they’re not doing their taxes.

They’re waiting for you to leave so they

can drop off their own kids, and they’re

not going to do it while you’re around.

That means you need to come back

again later for your own alone time. It’s

first in, first served. Them’s the rules.

Thou shalt not break the colon code.

WHAT TO DO WHEN...

WHICH STALL DO I USE?

IT’S A PICKLE, WE KNOW. BUT WE GOT YOUR BACK

Pooping in the

work toilets is

fraught with

danger!

WORDS BY EMMA MARKEZIC. SNAPPER MEDIA

Do

Don’t