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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JENNIFER STENGLEINFOLLOW ZOË! zotheysay.com @zotheysay @zotheysayonly in cosmo
KYRA: Of course you’d choose
a flavour a five-year old would.
ZO: What’s wrong with hokey
pokey? It’s got everything you
could hope for in a dessert. Are
you seriously not having any?
I thought the broken-hearted
only ate ice cream...
KYRA: Don’t have an appetite.
ZO: Still sad, huh?
KYRA: At least I’m past the
breathing into a brown paper
bag part.
ZO: Have you spoken to him?
KYRA: No.ZO: Let me rephrase that:
have you had ANY contact?
KYRA: A few texts. He was
shitfaced on Friday and kept
calling but I didn’t answer.
ZO: Good girl.
KYRA: I did text him when
I was teary and sad on Sunday.
He came over when I was out
and Jamie told him to never
come back. It all felt very final.
ZO: Let’s just recap here so
you recall why you’re not
answering calls or taking
visits: he told you he didn’twant to be in a relationship
with you because he wasn’t
“feeling it anymore”. Also, and
this is my fave part, he was
“worried he was going to do
something unforgivable soon.”
KYRA: I know, I know...
ZO: You know that’s code for
“I’ve already cheated”, right?
KYRA: Says you.
ZO: Honey. No one introduces
the idea of cheating unless
it’s already on their mind, or
they’ve already done it and
they are gonna keep doing it.
KYRA: I bet it was Rosie at
his work. He never shut up
about her. That’s always a
sign isn’t it?
ZO: Usually it’s a sign, yes.
In any case, cheating aside,
this man told you he was over
it. Not into it or you anymore.
That’s not a man you want to
be with or pine over.
KYRA: It never feels nice to be
told you’re not wanted. Even
if the person who doesn’t want
you is a loser.
ZO: Rejection is just a filthy
trick. It makes you think you
want something just because
it doesn’t want you. When
really, you’re being given a
direct path out of a situation
that is no longer right for you,
and all the hard work’s been
done. Now you have to realise
and appreciate it for the gift
it is, and release the anger,
and move on and –
KYRA: You make it sound like
a birthday party.
ZO: ’Cos I’m an outsider who
can see things without all the
mud of emotion clouding my
vision. Look, basically your
heart is cosy in bed under the
doona, and it’s 5.45am and
it’s raining outside, and I’m
its personal trainer saying,
GET UP, GET OUT THERE,
BE STRONG, DO THE
HARD WORK NOW, IT’SSO WORTH IT AT THE
END WHEN YOU FEEL
AMAZING!!
KYRA: Here’s what I don’t get:
why is he saying he misses
me if he’s not “feeling it”?
ZO: No one’s impervious to
rejection, not even the initial
rejecter. You’re blocking himnow, so he’s despo. If you were
begging him for a chance, you
wouldn’t see him for dust.
KYRA: What if he really did
make a mistake?
ZO: Hey. Crazy head. How did
you feel in the months before
this happened? Was it fun and
enriching and did you see a
happy future together?
KYRA: I was miserable. He
was hours late to my birthday
dinner, remember?
ZO: And you want back in on
that? Do you really think
he’s changed in two weeks?
KYRA: I just find this cold
turkey stuff dumb. We’re
adults, can’t we talk it out?
ZO: There’s nothing to be
gained from talking right
now. Let the dust settle, clear
your head, get clarity, and if
you still want to talk, do it in
a month. OK?
KYRA: ’Spose so. If he hooks
up with Rosie I’ll kill them.
ZO: As The Beatles once very
wisely said, “let it be”.
KYRA: Alright. I’ll hold off.
ZO: They also sang about
being a walrus, so perhaps
they’re not so wise. #“Rejection makes
you think you
want something
just ’cos it doesn’t
want you.”WANNA GET
SOME
GELATO?
Fictional real conversations with
Cosmo’s long-standing relationship
columnist, Zoë Foster Blake