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august/september 2015yogajournal.com.auRELATIONSHIPS
om
mindful
love
Five steps to dating like a yogi
By Jessica HumphriesI know it’s rough out there. You want to be
authentic and genuine, allowing a sense of
mindfulness to infiltrate every aspect of
your life, not just your yoga practice. You
don’t want to play games, but sometimes
being too vulnerable means losing what
you want.
With the rise of social media apps like
Tinder, the world of dating has allowed us
to make so many connections, but are we
really connecting?
I’ve found myself becoming completely
consumed by relationships in the past. But
with mindfulness, we can begin to
experience much more peaceful and
fulfilling connections.1
Make self-love your priority
“Authentic self-esteem comes not from improving your self-image
but from knowing and accepting that core self within that is beautiful,
wise, and loving,” explains Deepak Chopra. From this place of genuine
self-love that doesn’t rely on external validation, you put yourself in the
best position to love others and be loved. If you truly loved yourself,
you wouldn’t chase others, desperate for them to substantiate you.
You would enjoy the delight of your own company. Get in the habit
of continually asking yourself the question: What would I do if I loved
myself?2
Listen to your body
One of the major benefits of our yoga practice is body awareness.
Through tuning into our bodies we begin to understand how emotional
tension can manifest itself in our physical bodies. Liz Koch (coreaware-
ness.com), is an expert on the psoas muscle (a long fusiform muscle
located on the side of the lumbar region). Liz tells us that we hold a lot
of emotional tension in this area, which is why it’s not uncommon to ex-
perience strong emotions in certain yoga poses; “A primal messenger of
the central nervous system the psoas is an emotional
muscle expressing what is felt deep within – what is
commonly referred to as “gut feelings”. Remember
the last time a relationship didn’t go according to
plan or ended badly and thinking ‘I should have lis-
tened to my gut’? Start to trust the sensations in your
body. These feelings may be giving you some very
necessary insight into your subconscious, and hence
the likelihood of success in the relationship.3
Be present
One of the many benefits of the practice of
mindfulness is the ability to create and maintain a
sense of presence. Whether you’re going through a
rough breakup, or falling blissfully in love, know that
everything is temporary. When you see negative
thoughts and judgments emerging, allow them to
be there and pass. When fantasies begin to arise
and you become lost in it all remember: you have
no idea what’s going to happen. Don’t question the
relationship and your behaviour. Enjoy it in the now
and allow it to unfold organically.4
Give yourself space
When you start seeing someone new, you
begin to see yourself in different and sometimes
challenging ways. During this period, give yourself
extra time to nurture yourself and stay grounded,
becoming aware of patterns and perhaps insecurities
that arise. Sometimes the urge to connect with another
can overtake the need to have time to you. You
might think that
spending every
waking moment
with your latest
squeeze will
make you happy,
but we all need
time alone to
process our
own emotions,
especially when
embarking on
a new romantic
endeavor.(^5)
Learn to nurture your
inner child
Mindfulness guru Thich Nhat Hanh reinforces: “To take good care
of ourselves, we must take care of the wounded child inside of
us...if you listen every day, healing will take place.”
We all carry wounds from our childhood, and these can be
triggered and re-emerge in romantic relationships. When you
notice yourself experiencing strong emotions in reaction to a
situation with your lover, see if you can sit with that feeling.
Sometimes when we feel the urge to strongly react, we’re
experiencing trauma from our past – often this has little to do with
the current situation. Take time to listen to and take care of your
inner child before reacting.
PHOTO: GITA KULINITCH STUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK.COM