Within three classes her knee felt better,
and within three months of practicing the
26 asanas and breathing exercises that
comprise every 90-minute, high-heat
Bikram Yoga class, Carrasquillo says her
blood pressure went down and she lost
unwanted weight. The transformation
didn’t stop there. Another month in, yoga
along with therapy and writing helped
Carrasquillo realise that she was suffering
from post-traumatic stress disorder
(PTSD). The domestic abuse Carrasquillo
says she experienced years prior with
former partners still haunted her. “Yoga
allowed the deep pain that was interfering
with my whole life to surface, so I could
confront it,” she says. Carrasquillo believes
yoga helped wean her off anti-depressants
and alcohol, too.
But by spring 2013, Carrasquillo had
learned that several Bikram students had
accused Choudhury of sexual harassment
and rape. At first she kept practicing,
refusing to associate Choudhury’s potential
wrongdoings with her beloved yoga. But
ultimately the allegations became too
much. One day in the autumn of 2013, while
standing at the front of her mat,
Carrasquillo became nauseous. She realised
the practice she’d come to crave for helping
her heal was hurting her instead.
Carrasquillo’s story of emotional
turmoil isn’t unique. Scores of people who
have found a practice, teacher, community,left to sort through the wreckage after the
polarised voices around fallen leaders
finally quiet, deciding where to turn after
their tribes splinter. They must maintain
their identities and possibly livelihoods
after some practices are abandoned, and
some studios close. They have to learn from
the past and better prepare—emotionally,
socially, and financially—for the next
upset, which unfortunately seems all but
inevitable. In fact, this February,The New
York Timesreported a sixth civil lawsuit
filed against Choudhury. (The first case is
scheduled to go to trial in August.) In a
world where even iconic gurus can
apparently come and go, everyday yogis and
teachers are the ones who need to minimise
the damage, and protect the practice that
they love.A Personal Hit
When rumours started to surface in 2013
about Choudhury, Carrasquillo felt what
many felt during the recent scandals:
conflicted. She wanted to support
Choudhury’s accusers, but Carrasquillo had
also become attached to Bikram Yoga’s
apparent healing powers. “I just didn’t
want to believe it, simply because I enjoyed
the yoga so much,” she says.
Carrasquillo spent nearly a year trying
to convince herself that she could continue
to practice despite her anger around the
allegations. Then one day in November
2013, her yoga teacher was reading the
standard Bikram teaching script in class,
like usual. But this time Carrasquillo had a
strong visceral reaction. “I wanted to vomit.
I couldn’t do it anymore,” she says. “The
healing that I had experienced up to that
point was in danger.” After that class, she
vowed never to go back to Bikram Yoga.
While Carrasquillo’s personal history
may not mirror everyone’s, many people
come to yoga for physical reasons—either
to work out an injury or get in shape—and
are quickly swept up in the holistic healing
that yoga can provide. Research has linked
the practice with improvements in stress,
depression, anxiety, and even post-
traumatic stress disorder. One explanation
is that mindfulness methods such as yoga
and meditation help us become aware of
the emotional baggage we carry and teach
us how to use our breath to de-stress,
suggests psychiatrist Dr. Bessel van der
Kolk, in his new book,The Body Keeps the
Score.
Paradoxically, while unearthing deep-
seated emotions can empower us to
confront sadness, anger, or pain, such work PHOTO: (POSED BY MODEL) ©iSTOCK.COM/EVA KATALIN KONDOROSand sometimes a career through yoga have
been thrown for a loop when a revered
leader is accused of sexual harassment,
emotional and economic fraud, and even
breaking the law. Sadly, in Western yoga,
there have been many such assertions.
More recently, reports of Choudhury’s
alleged missteps alternated in the
mainstream news with stories of the
suspected improprieties of John Friend, the
founder of Anusara Yoga, which integrates
yoga therapeutics, philosophy, and
alignment. In February 2012, an Anusara
employee claimed that Friend was having
sexual relations with employees, leading an
all-female Wiccan coven that practiced
rituals of a sexual nature, freezing Anusara
employee-benefit plans on the sly, and
asking employees to accept shipments of
marijuana. Nearly two months later, The
Washington Post reported that Friend was
having sex with students. In such high-
profile scandals, the people directly
involved—the “gurus” and their accusers—
grab the public’s attention. And while we
would never downplay the gravity of their
experiences, those newsmakers represent
only a fraction of a far bigger story. It’s the
rest of the yoga community, the millions of
students, teachers, and studio owners who
come to the practice regularly for health,
healing, and a sense of belonging, who
make up the vast majority of the impacted.
Within the community, members are70
august/september 2015yogajournal.com.au