can also make us more vulnerable to
emotional injury when a trusted leader
falls, explains Dave Emerson, author of
Trauma-Sensitive Yoga in Therapy and
director of Yoga Services at van der Kolk’s
Trauma Center at the Justice Resource
Institute in Brookline, Massachusetts.
Witnessing a yoga leader fall may be
especially painful for someone who has
experienced past relationship trauma,
Emerson says. “Yoga teachers often
promise happiness and health, and
students therefore expect them to be safe
and trustworthy,” he explains. “So it can be
devastating when a teacher betrays or
disappoints you, throwing you back to
feeling unsafe within relationships that you
thought you could rely on.”
The betrayal can also make us question
our sense of judgment, the validity of a
healing modality, and any progress we’ve
made, explains Rachel Allyn, PhD, a
clinical psychologist and yoga teacher, and
the creator of YogaPsych psychotherapy,
which uses asana and breath exercises to
help stored emotions come to the surface.
Initially, denial is common; it’s a way to
minimise the discomfort that comes from
believing strongly in something that
becomes corrupt or disingenuous, but that
we still want to engage in, she explains.
While Carrasquillo struggled to come to
terms with how her loyalty to Bikram Yoga
conflicted with her desire to empathise with
those accusing the founder of rape, the
resulting emotional stress and feelings of
guilt and hypocrisy—something
psychologists call cognitive dissonance—
ate away at her. She knew that leaving her
practice was the best way to show her
allegiance to those claiming abuse, and yetshe was scared to abandon that which she
had given so much credit for her healing.
So Carrasquillo justified staying longer,
telling herself, “[Choudhury] is not my
boss, and the teachers I had were not him; I
am loyal to those teachers. He created a
great sequence; lots of bad people create
good things.”
Cognitive dissonance is certainly part of
being human, says Allyn. But
when we continue to engage in
behaviours that go against our
morals and ethics, it can
threaten our sense of identity.
This can lead to feelings of
shame, and from there,
depression and anxiety. But
here, again, yoga and
meditation can help. “Yoga
helps you confront yourself,
both the light and dark, in a
kind-hearted way,” Allyn
says. “It allows you to see
yourself clearly, still love
yourself, and want to
learn.” You can learn, for
example, what
Carrasquillo would
someday deduce: thepower of one’s practice is not exclusively
tied to one teacher or method.A Community, Fractured
William “Doc” Savage practiced various
styles of yoga for four years, trying to
improve his performance as an
ultramarathon runner, before stumbling
upon an Anusara “Grand Gathering” at a
Yoga Journal conference in 2008. Savage was
blown away by the sense of belonging he
experienced there. “I looked around and
thought, ‘Wow, these are my people,’”
Savage says. “It was a community of
extroverts,” he adds, describing people
chatting and spending time on each other’s
mats.
A retired senior non-commissioned
officer in the United States Air Force,
Savage is gregarious, but also admits to a
long-time isolating fear of showing raw
emotion. One of the tenets of Anusara,
which means “flowing with grace,” is
opening your heart to connect with the
divine within you, and in everyone. “With
Anusara, I learned how to share my
emotions,” says Savage. “It was scary, but I
was empowered knowing I had teachers
and a community who were going to helpFeelings of guilt and hypocrisy—something psychologists
call cognitive dissonance—ate away at her...Only in America?
Not necessarily. In March this year, Fairfax media
reported that Shiva School of Meditation and Yoga
at Mount Eliza in Victoria was under investigation,
“with a number of victims alleging in recent days that
they had been sexually abused.” The report claims one
woman had been pressured into sexual relations while
she was seeking enlightenment and healing.
A later report appearing in The Age by Jane Lee
claimed; “The school’s founder and ‘guru’ Swami
Shankarananda, 73 - also known as Russell Kruckman -
resigned as director in January but remained its spiritual
head after it was revealed he had had sexual relationships
with up to 40 women there.” At the time of going to press,
the school had announced that it would close and end its
public yoga and meditation programs.PHOTO: (POSED BY MODEL) ©iSTOCK.COM/JUANMONINO 71
august/september 2015yogajournal.com.au