Emma Markezic has a few choice morsels
for her younger self... and you might just
want to pay attention, tooD
ear teenage Marky. It is
I... grown-up Marky! I
have so many things to tell
you. Firstly, stop slouching.
Secondly, that fringe you’re
thinking about cutting in... don’t do it.
You’ll look like Jim Carrey in Dumb
& Dumber. TRUST. And thirdly, you
should invest in a little thing called
“Google”. Don’t worry, you’ll know
what it is when you see it.
But now to the really important
stuff. By which I mean sex, love and
everything in between. There’s just
one simple thing I want you to know
about that. Actually, that I want you
to do. That I want you to be.
Embodying this one thing will
make your life umpteen times better
in every way. In every conceivable
way. But it will be especially effective
for your love life. In fact this will be
by far the sexiest thing you can ever do
both in and out of the bedroom. How
do I know? You grow up to be a sex
oracle. Go figure?! But don’t dwell on
that now. You have to attempt to hack
your way through law school first.
Good luck with that.
So what is that one thing? I call
it being autogenerous. It’s basically
about practising self-care, self-love,
self-confidence and self-respect. All
at once and without apology. Because
you know how you’re always banging
on about how you think your size six
bum is whale-big? And that your boobs
aren’t perky enough? And that no man
will ever find your awkward one-liners
anything but a deterrent? Well, it’s
not cute, it’s just annoying. In fact,
voicing self-criticism is pretty much
the unsexiest thing in the universe.
Other than maybe Crocs. Again...
just wait and see.
You have questions about this,
I can tell. Let me pre-empt a few of
them for you.Yeeeeeah – you’re
really going to have
to explain that better
That’s not a question, but I grant it
could use some clarification. Basically,
forget about working on your inner-
thigh squats or coy smile or blowjob
technique – those are not the thingsWHAT WOULD
YOU TELL YOUR
TEENAGE SELF
ABOUT SEX?
MARKY
PONDERS...