GIVE BORING THE FINGER
4
KISS HER JUST BECAUSE
If you kiss or cuddle her only as a
precursor to sex, she’ll see these displays as
tools you’re using to seduce her, explains
Dr Donald Strassberg, professor of clinical
psychology at the University of Utah.
And she may be right. “For many women,
and even many men, it’s important that
demonstrations of affection not be limited to
foreplay,” he adds. So linger on that goodbye
kiss in the morning. Bonus points for post-
nookie, pre-snoring affection – it gives you
a unique opportunity to shore up your bond
with her.5 WATCH PORN SHE’LL ACTUALLY LIKE
Redefine what you consider a chick
flick: studios such as Dane Jones (billed as
“sensually explicit creative erotica”) and
Nubile Films (“capturing the essence of
sensuality”) are changing porn for the better
with scenes that emphasise intimate acts
of foreplay and teasing, says Herbenick.
And unlike old-school porn, they depict
typical-looking women actually enjoying
consensual, healthy sex with their partners.
MakeLoveNotPorn is another great, couples-
friendly resource.6 TAKE IT OUT OF FIFTH GEAR
“I can’t emphasise this point enough,”
says Gunsaullus. “Women take a much longer
time than men do – up to 20 minutes – to
generate enough bloodflow to their genitals
and produce enough lubrication for sex to
feel pleasurable.” So if you’re touching her
clitoris in any way, busting out a new sex
toy, stroking her G-spot or inserting a finger
anywhere before she’s ready for it, you’re just
grinding her gears. “Women aren’t able to
experience the full potential of pleasure if you
move too quickly – in fact, it could actually be
painful,” says Gunsaullus.7
BE A CLITORAL CONNOISSEUR
Most guys know the little nubbin
above her vagina, but much more lies beneath
the surface. “The clitoris is huge,” says
urogynaecologist Dr Rachel Pauls. It’s 7-10
centimetres long and arcs like a wishbone
underneath the lips. Spread the love: gently
rub around her clitoris and press lightly on
her labia. You’re doing it right if her skin
swells and turns red. Then tease the nub.
When you’re ready to enter, aim for the
front wall of her vagina where the top of her
clitoris lies. (Some researchers believe the
famed G-spot is actually the top of the hidden
clitoris.) Doggy-style sex can help you reach
it. If you prefer missionary, elevate her bum
on a pillow – your pelvises will rub together to
stimulate the gland gently from the outside as
you tickle it inside. Yep, that’s a double team.SHE SAYS: “You don’t
appreciate me enough.”
DO THIS Share your origin
story. When a friend
asks, “How’d you meet?”
be quick to jump in.
“Hearing your mate
reflect on what it was like
to meet you can be very
intimate,” says Dr James
Cordova, professor of
psychology at Clark
University. So be honest
and end on a high note
by describing the exact
moment you knew you
were hooked.SHE ASKS: “ H ow d o es this
dress look on me?”
DO THIS Yes, she’s fishing
for a compliment, says
relationship therapist Dr
Paul Hokemeyer. “Respond
by elaborating on the truth.”
Tell her how great she looks,
and then share it on
Instagram and Facebook.
Think self-deprecating
hashtags (#ImNotWorthy
#battingoutofmyleague).HER TENDER TRAPS2
3
APRIL 2016^69SEX